It's been 5 years since Island Creamery opened its doors at Serene Centre, and come this Monday 14 Sept, we've got something new up our sleeves.

If you've known us, you'll know that our philosophy is simple: offering the best possible product - freshly made with premium ingredients, at low prices.

Every aspect of this same philosophy has been channeled into our new casual dining restaurant - Burger Shack.

It's been months of hard work. Sourcing the best ingredients, refining our recipes and establishing prices that shift value back to the customer.

We're talking 100% NZ beef patties made from scratch, hand-made artisan bread, delicious home-made sauces, and the best flavors that span from East to West. All at student prices.

No nonsense. No snobbery. And no secret to what makes the perfect burger.

When you're out of school, you're out into the real world.

It's been a funny thing watching everyone move from school to real life.

You see people lose their values, their integrity and their balance.

But you also see people rise up, face the future and become the people that you knew they'd become.

Which one are you?

Life isn't always a box of chocolates. It's a cowboy town with friends disguised as enemies and enemies disguised as friends. One should be careful. But hopefully never jaded or distrusting.

It's at these crazy times I look to my simplest friendships for comfort. You know the friends that have always been there for you in times of trouble. The ones who you love like family.

This is one crazy world we live in. But you've got the choice to fight or lose our sense of self.

And just because everyone else is going crazy doesn't mean you have to give in.

Fight damn it.

A few weeks ago a huge package arrived at my doorstep and all I can say is that my life has changed ever since. Meet Diana F+. This film camera was originally designed in the 1960's in Hong Kong, and the lomographic society has brought her back in her full analogue, retro-geek glory.



I love taking photos, and if you feel the same way you'll love this camera. When I was growing up I always enjoyed taking photos in film. Then the sexy compact digital cameras showed up and my life was never the same. But over the years I lost interest in taking photos because the photos were always dull and flat. Photoshop is an option, but I always felt that there's certain integrity that you lose when you manipulate an image with a computer. Then came Diana. And friends.



I ordered the Diana F+ deluxe kit from http://www.lomographyasia.com which arrived in 3 working days. The kit contains every crazy accessory you can find for the camera. Being a completely manual camera, it allows you to have control over all of your shots. But that's where your control ends. Your lens, exposure, film and lighting succumbs to the magic of the Diana camera. And you'll see how. The Diana operates on 120mm film, but the kit includes a 35mm adapter which allows you to shoot on regular film (which I use). Well enough talk and let's have some walk. Check out some photos I've taken in my first roll of film. I didn't edit the photos so you see the real color reproduction of the shots.














This was my first day out with my camera so not too bad all things considered haha. But why get a Diana if there are other cameras like Holga and Lomo? Only the Diana allows you to use widely available instant films. Subsequently I bought an adapter for the Diana which allows you to use polaroid film like the easily found Fuji Instax film. The results are crazy cool!









I am a hardcore skeptic. But after these few weeks of messing around with my Diana camera I've been sold on film photography. I've taken some of the most memorable shots with the Diana and I'm really glad I've gotten back into film photography. There's a certain jenesaisquoi about film photography that megapixels can't fully replace. Film can't be a substitute for digital, but damn I tell you film cameras have some kinda magic.



Thanks Laura ;-)

Yesterday Uncle Keng Long and Auntie Ting Ting came over for dinner. The usual little dinner after they come back from a long trip of traveling. Mom and Bap likes to have them over for dinner because they're great company and after being on the road so long they could always use a home cooked meal.

Uncle Keng Long works as a music producer for Mandarin artists like Li Hom and David Tao. It's funny because sometimes I see him in the music videos when I go for KTV. Despite his huge success it strikes me as amazing that they're one of the most down to earth and genuine people you could meet.

Uncle Keng Long is hugely talented. He's probably the best music producer in Singapore by a longshot. In terms of the music industry he's done it all. And when you meet someone like him it's inspiring.

Sometimes I wonder if I have any talent for anything. Not little hobbies or dabbling in things. But like an amazing talent. Something that you could really move people with. Something great. Jon is a talented musician. Galym is super at world history. Thomas is good at math. Chloe is good at singing. Neil is good at talking haha.

But that's talent isn't it. It's either you have it or you don't.

I am so tired right now but I have to write.

Just came back from our prom and I feel really happy.

So many friends that I care about all together in one place. Just looking at the photos makes me smile.

I have been blessed with meeting some of my best friends in the last 4 years. And that's the most priceless thing I've got from school.

For every person who I call my friend, I am so grateful for you, and I'm glad we've shared a part of our lives together.

Not writing with any purpose in mind tonight. Just came back from Vincent's wedding. We've known each other for 5 years now and I'm super happy for him. Not long ago we used to go KTV drinking rubbish carlsberg and with him sending me back on his bike. Funny how things have changed so much and so little as well. After the wedding we were laughing and mocking each other, and for a second it felt like we were back in time again, exactly where things left off.

It's been a long week for me. Been feeling on the verge of coming down with something. I'm extremely exhausted. Work and otherwise. A couple of messy things happened. None of which I actually chose to participate in. Life is all about decisions, and as far as humanly possible, I avoid complications and the people who bring them. I think anyone who really knows me would understand. And I am so grateful for the simple but amazing friendships that have kept me going all along.

In the face of a dilemma or a decision, all it takes is a short pause for thought, being yourself, and standing your ground about your own values. And for the most part, it's worked. I think everyone is human. Everyone fucks up. But its really what you do about it that makes all the difference.

With some of the rubbish that's finally ended lately I've been feeling like I need a proper break. An escape from everything and everyone. Sometimes I see a jacket on a store rack and my mind escapes to New York for a moment. For a second I can almost feel like I'm actually there. And although I know I'll be there next year, I've been wishing lately that I had gone.

Everytime I see that coat on my hanger I see alot of things. My dreams. My life. A restart button that I can't wait to press. And I've earned it.

Just within 2 days my family's life has been changed. Yesterday we signed the contract and today I got my acceptance letter. I feel so blessed.

One thing I've learned is to be open to unexpected changes in life, both good and bad. Sometimes we hold onto the identities we have: anything from sports person, academic, friend, banker, lawyer etc. but what happens when everything changes? Anything can change overnight. It's important not to cling to these identities too tightly because life is unpredictable.

We can only try our best, be content, and still hope that things turn out for the best for us.

The reality is barely sinking in. I still cannot believe I made it. It just doesn't compute. I have worked so hard. Not just this semester. Not just the last couple of years. But my whole life. And I think maybe I've finally arrived somewhere.

School ending has been the best thing to happen to me since school started. Things just feel alot more relaxed and it's just been really great. I haven't felt like such an even balance between work and play in maybe ever.

So the real work has started but it has been good so far. E-mailing, locating suppliers, coming up with the concepts and piecing everything together has been a jumble but it's nice being on top of every detail.

It's weird but between the time school ended and now I feel like I've grown up. It's like someone handed me the mantle of adulthood and asked me to get going.

This is the real world bitches.

Heya. Really been awhile since I wrote anything here. I think I'm outgrowing the idea of blogging.

Alot has happened the last few weeks. School has ended. I've had 2 amazing holidays with some of my closest friends. And there's something really exciting happening for my family in the next couple of months.

I was expecting some sort of sentimentality with the end of school but funny enough it hasn't been so. I guess it was about time school ended. And now I can finally get on with the rest of life.

I have alot to look forward to. And although I seldom check in with the big guy up there, I'm really grateful to God for everything in my life. I am blessed.

On Wednesday Margi microwaved the sushi I bought from Isetan.

It's a little scary, exciting and nerve wracking thinking about it. So everything's been done and all there is left to do is wait. One part of me says omg wouldn't it be exciting, but the realistic part of me says don't even think about it. I know my life won't be the same if all goes well.

I've decided to deal with it as though it isn't going to happen. If it happens, it happens. But for now I've done my best and I'm just going to keep moving, and keep working.

I feel grateful for the chances I've had and the people I met. Whether it happens or not I am blessed.

On Friday night we went for the party that Steve organized. I usually don't like to go to the bars or clubs if humanly possible but I thought I'd make an exception. Turns out everyone was there. So many old friends and faces from the good old AC days. Everyone you wanted and didn't want to see packed into that bar at Fullerton. It was great though. I wouldn't have caught up with that many people if I gave it a miss.

As I was sitting there at our table I could see the other tables with their different circles, and it was just nice to see how everyone was still in touch and together. These were friends from primary school and beyond, and it was good to know everyone's grown up together.

As school ends, it's just nice to know that even if I didn't learn a single thing in class, or even if I don't have that USD$5000 job, I've got my friends for life.

Heya! Yikes it's been awhile since I wrote anything here. I just saw the date on the last post and it's been a month since. Time really flies. In exactly 2 months from this date I am officially done with school. How weird is that?

Some of my best friends just got their job offers so congrats! Dinner on you haha!

Since I took the leap and chose to pursue my interest in psych my schedule has been pretty different. I've been helping Professor Tov on this exciting study on the benefits of journaling. I've also been going to NUS (YES NUS) to help Prof Hong on some studies on Schizophrenia.

Dr Collinson said some research positions in schizophrenia will be opening up at the NUS-Duke medical school so he asked me to contact him again in March if I'm interested in full-time work which is also extremely exciting.

I think one thing I've learned is that you shouldn't sell out on your long-term goals. Over the last months I've been tempted to just find a well-paying job or get into a free masters program, but you know life is full of opportunities, and sometimes you have to say no to things which may only be good for you in the short run. If you're going to say yes to every damn thing that comes your way you'll never live the life you want to.

I just had dinner with Dzeike and we went for Lan after that. We've been playing this mad game called left 4 dead thanks to Steve. It's 1am and I feel like a zombie could pop out behind me from the toilet any second haha.

I am always reminded that I have the best family and friends ever. They are the ones who make me Ian. Without them I'm really nothing. And that is by no means an overstatement.

So you. Yes you, you know who you are. You inner circle peeps. Don't ever think for a second I am not grateful for you. You mean everything to me, and I am so glad you are a part of my life.

I haven't been this upset or sad in a long time. If this were me a couple of years ago I don't think I could have handled it.

Although I saw it coming, I didn't realize that it would affect me alot more than I thought.

At the same time I'm surprised that I've managed to deal with it this well.

If I didn't have my family, my friends and my life as support I don't think I would been able to cope with it. I'm really grateful for everything in my life.

Today was a reminder that I have my own weakness, but it's how I deal with it that really matters.

YOZUSH. I don't know yozush who, but maybe yozush blogspot. I haven't been on for awhile because I've been pretty busy lately. Surprise.

I have been doing some super exciting psychology stuff. I am so excited. 11 upon 10 excited!

Christmas is coming! I am screwed cuz I have barely started shopping. GROSS POSS. And I noticed anglish is back as well.

**BTW MY BROTHER DAVID GOT INTO CORNELL!!** We are all super happy for him. Mom is almost more happy about the idea she gets to have an ivy son. David has been working super hard so he super deserves this. It's his big break. Beat the ivy league bitches! But Stanford for the win as well haha.

I got Dave's christmas card saying I was his inspiration. But are you kidding? Dave is now my inspiration. He is true testimony to the fact that you can do it if you fucking want something. That's something that our dad taught us and it's true.

The moral of the story is if you #@$%ing want something, go and $#%&ing get off your ass and be the %$&#ing best you can be.

Of course bap didn't quite say it like that.

I think I've been feeling a little down lately because I've just given up on work. I'm still churning out the report and speaking to analysts but somehow the work doesn't do it for me anymore.

You want the truth. It's always a fun idea to have a job that everyone wants. The prestige is great for inflating egos. It's also a fun idea to earn more than most. But when I went away I realized who the hell really cares. When school is over who is going to give a damn if you earn more than everyone else? Who is going to congratulate you when you've got your whole life confined to a desk?

Maybe the problem with me is I've always judged my success by other peoples' yardsticks, by the number of times people have said congratulations. I am not proud of that. It shows a great weakness for vanity. The problem is that when no one is looking we have to face our biggest critic, ourselves. And I am sick of running from that. I work extremely hard, and it's time I work for what I really want.

Thinking about the last couple of years it amazes me that I've pushed so hard for something I wasn't even sure of. People who know me best know that I've always been myself as a person, and maybe somewhere along the way I stopped thinking of myself when it came to my work.

Perhaps the biggest consolation is that through the last 4 years I've managed to figure out what I want for myself, and I finally feel like I have more guts than I thought.

Sometimes I feel like a furnace. Not like a fireplace. Like a broiler.

Sometimes I get agitated or annoyed. But its the same heat that makes me feel strongly about things. Like life. And working hard. Being creative. Chasing dreams.

The problem is when the temperature gets too hot.

So one of the things I need to work on is a thermostat. It's difficult because it almost feels like it's in every part of me.

But I think I need to work on it. And so I promise I will.

I have something to admit about this blog. I don't like to read the thoughts I've written down before.

More often than not I find myself cringing. How angry that post was. How emo, how poser, how ridiculous, how shortsighted and how could I have been thinking that? Just a couple of things I (and maybe you) have thought.

That's the problem with writing your thoughts down. And whether its a diary, or a blog, or a microsoft word document, it really doesn't matter. It's just embarrassing whether or not someone reads it. It's like a documentation of everything good and bad, where the in-betweens are scarce.

Despite the fact that it sucks to be reminded that you were a fool. I like the fact that your every transition is documented in words. I haven't looked at some of my earlier posts, but I know that they've really changed alot. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm most happy when I'm changing and growing.

It feels good knowing that somewhere between Post No. 16 and Post No.161 there's been a slow but sure change from someone that I'm embarrassed of to someone I'm proud to be.

So maybe by the time No.361 comes around I'll be looking back at this point thinking what a dumbass I used to be. And maybe I'll never stop thinking like that. But at least I'll be a much better dumbass than I used to be.

Haven't had the chance to write much recently because of everything that's been going on. Work has been the same but there's tons of things happening outside of work.

I'm currently working on a research study with NYU on bilingualism and psychology. In addition I just met up with Prof Tov yesterday and I'll also be helping him with his psych research on happiness and well-being. Tov works with one of the leading psychologists in positive psychology and that is majorly exciting. The harvard lessons are also ongoing and getting to be a little taxing.

Some of the other things I'm exploring is setting up a educational talk for schools, and creating a health related social networking site like facebook.

I was supposed to write some articles for the school magazine on psych but I wonder if that's ever going to come about.

I've been really busy, but I've also been very happy. I think for too long I've been doing the right things (internships) for the wrong reasons (prestige) and I am so glad that I had the chance to say "I tried it, but I don't like it, and that's ok".

When I was 12 I was sitting in the car and we drove through Raffles Place. I laughed at the people dressed in office attire and I told my dad that that would never be me.

After working as one of those people, I have great respect for an office job, especially a finance one. But I turn to my 12 year old self for the wisdom that you just have to be true to yourself at the end of the day.

Just finished my midterms online. I'm doing this psychology course with Harvard on happiness and it's been amazing. It's been an eye opener.

I sometimes wonder why people like to put themselves in categories. Arts student, Business student. Banker, Social worker. Nerdy, Cool. Artist, Scientist. It's almost like we force a stereotype upon ourselves. And we are alot more interesting than a stereotype. So why should we be only one type of person?

For a long time I couldn't reconcile where my personality fit it, where my career goals were, or how I wanted to live my life. And I've given up because it doesn't make sense trying to be a 2 dimensional figure. It's just best to be me.

So what if school ends in a few months? I'm still Ian. Part writer, part artist, part workaholic, part white collar worker, part bohemian, part conservative, part liberal, part nerdy, part hedonist, part something else.

Since I began to embrace all my interests I've been alot happier and it's made me feel like, well, me again. And I hope you can also give yourself the permission to feel like you too.

Last post before Singapore. The Boersma's opened up their presents and everything fit! It was so nice to see them trying on their new clothes and it felt like christmas. Oh I am going to miss them so much. Please don't let the airport be an emo moment. I feel so sad just thinking about not seeing them everyday.

What a ride it's been. I mean I couldn't have asked for more. I've made a promise that things are going to be different when I go back and I think it will. I feel so blessed to have been able to see more of the world, and I think there's been alot of growing up thats been done in these couple of months.

I'm still not ready to leave. But I don't think I could have asked for more. I will always think of everyone that I have met, every place that I have been, and every dream that I've set out to make since I've left home.

So it's a day before I fly and everything's almost packed up. What a couple of months it's been. The honest truth is that I've had the best time of my life and I think I've changed alot being able to go away and step out of the fray for awhile. I wonder if things will be different when I'm back, and I'm determined to remember all the things that I've learned the past 4 months.

I feel super sad to leave because it's been so amazing. One of the main reasons I have for not wanting to go back is that I'm afraid I'll slip into the same habits that I used to have. You know just being caught up with work, being too serious. Did I mention being too serious? I am so grateful for every minute that I've spent in California, New York and Toronto. It's made me a better person, a more grateful person, and a happier one for sure.

Today it was fun to spend some time with Jason in Toronto. We basically ate walked and shopped our way through toronto. We had such a good time.

Today I also bought presents for my aunt's family. It felt so good buying things without looking at the price tag. They have been so extremely good to me and it was fitting that they got the best presents ever. I have had such a great time here and I am going to miss them like hell. I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they get their presents.

In many ways I'm going to miss being away, but at the same time I really look forward to coming back.

I can't believe I'll be home in 2 weeks. I really don't know where the time went, and looking at the photos it's been the most amazing 4 months ever.

One of the reasons why I look forward to going home is because I think I've made some fundamental changes in my life and I think it's going to be a fresh start when I get back. I've made some big plans and I can't wait to get to work on them.

Credit crisis and graduation? Whatever. I think I've worked my ass off my whole school life and there's no point being pessimistic now.

Parsons!

Did I tell you guys that me and Dave ran into one of the project runway contestants when we were in NY? That was quite funny. Everytime I watch the show I'm always thinking "damn I should have done art instead". So instead of being sour grapes, this time I followed the contestants and did some sketches according to the challenge.

I think when you think outside the box, you can basically apply the same kind of principles to any kind of art, and that includes clothes.

Tim Gunn, I'll see you at Bryant Park.



the emilia


the evelyn


the shiqin


the tiff


the boons


the angs


the lees




Bryant Park someday

The Song I Wrote For You - Ian

Yesterday night I managed to record a new song I wrote. I think it's not bad for 2 hours of work. I've been watching too much Gossip Girl and I totally ran out of ideas for the chorus so you'll hear where I got the tune of the chorus from haha. The rest of it is original though.

Recently there's been alot of very jack johnson, rachael yamagata relaxed vocals so I thought I'd do something that's laid back in the same way. It's inspired by Soho. Hope you like it.



lyrics:

I wrote a letter
To make you feel better
I'll do whatever it takes

I wrote you a love song
So you can sing along
And if it won your heart over

Everybody wants your lonely heart
No one knows you like I do
Baby put your trust in me and in you

I'm willing to wait
Serve me up on your plate
To be there some day when you're ready

I'm willing to do my part
To mend the hole in your heart
I'll do my part just to love you

I think the best thing about going away is that you realize what you miss and you don't miss. It's like moving into a new apartment. You only keep the things that matter because you know you can't live without them.

Since weijols came I've been thinking of all my best friends, and it's been so good to hear from them even though we're a gazillion miles away doing a gaziliion different things. I really appreciate the friends who've been keeping in touch. It's funny how being apart makes you closer to your best friends.

I think friendship can be measured by how much you want to hug your friends haha. OMG I think I miss you guys badly.

Ok so I think NY is officially off this fall, which is actually a good thing because I really didn't want to rush a vacay to the big apple. But I will be missing it for sure. My god I think I need to get over it by watching some Gossip Girl, which of course is like getting over smoking by watching malboro ads.

Have you heard the song Hot and Cold by Kate Perry? Omg its super funny and so's the video. I was listening to it and I was just thinking. It reminded me of like a conversation I would have with my old self. Well at least if I ever did have a conversation. And a hot girl in a bridal costume standing around while I was having that conversation. Anyways.

Speaking of weird things I've been watching Dexter on dvd. It's about a good serial killer. It's a pretty twisted show. I get pretty uncomfortable watching it actually. One night I was sleeping and had this dream about a murder and all of a sudden I woke up with my mouth open not knowing if I had shouted in my dream or like for real. It's so weird. I never get bad dreams. What is even more weird is why the word weird is spelt "weird" and not "wierd". I always get caught by spell check.

Just another day at work. During lunch I had to run off to attend a conference call for this positive psychology course I'm taking long distance with Harvard. It's like a group discussion component of the class. So I managed to find a wifi spot at one of the outdoor gardens to dial in from skype.

The TA mentioned something about being aware of the things you are grateful for can make you happy. Well I'm not surprised. I constantly remind myself of the many things that I'm grateful for and you know it works. So give it a try. I'm just glad someone said it out loud.

One of the things I am grateful for is the opportunities I've gotten. The last few months have been really amazing. I probably have the most supportive parents in the world and it sure helps.

I just e-mailed one of the professors from the counselling psychology phd program at NYU and he is interested in working with me by helping him collect data from Singapore. I am really excited because the past few months I've been thinking about doing my phd and it's a bloody good reason to go back to the city.

New York what have you done to me.

Today was such a great day! Weiyi and jols came from Montreal and Minnesota to visit me in Toronto and it was so good to see them! I think I almost killed them with my hug haha. It was such an OMG feeling.

It was fun because I met them after work and I took them through the financial district. We had an amazing dinner at Torroni's with some sparkling wine to celebrate the occasion. We took a walk to the harbour where we saw some guy training his jack russell to swim after the ducks haha. I almost died laughing. The terrier had a scarf and a leather jacket made for him.

I am still pretty OMG. I've known weijols for 2 years since we went on the UBC trip to Vancouver and they've been such good friends. No matter where we are (in the world!) I always have such a good time with them.

Growing up I learned the hard way that friends come and go. But I've also learned that the best friendships last no matter where you go or what you do. Sometimes I see my parents with their best longtime friends and I know that I have people who I can count on just the same way. So here's to lifelong friends.

Sometimes when I'm walking down King Street in Toronto I'm secretly praying that when I look down at my shoes and look up again I'll be back in Manhattan.

I just watched another episode of Gossip Girl and it was like a free trip back to fifth avenue. Just seeing the metlife building, the palace hotel and the met reminded me of that crazy week me and Dave spent in NY. I can't tell you how fun it was. And it was special.

I don't think it's withdrawal symptoms. I think it could be possibly far worse. Something far more insane that makes me keep playing the opening song from the pilot episode of GG. You know the whistling one. Yeah.

I don't know what it is. But if you've had a day in the city you'll know what it's like. Like something inside you changes. Either that or your entire wardrobe.

With the markets spelling doom, it's the perfect excuse to not find a job and get my ass to NY to study psychology or fashion. Where else in the world are there enough insane people and fashion types mixed together to justify 4 years of postgraduate studies. You know you love me New York. X O X O.

It's my second week of work in Toronto and it's been great. Today I had to leave the office because I was sent to Bloomberg for a course. So with a map in my hand like a tourist I managed to find my way there. Just walking along the financial district of Toronto was amazing. Some parts of the city remind me of NY and I really miss it.

I haven't had a chance to lunch myself the past 2 weeks so yesterday I braved the lunch crowds and had some Indian food by myself near the stock exchange. Just watching the people walk by made me feel very excited. I am so grateful that things have worked out the way they have.

I can't believe I've been gone for 3 months. Come to think about it the only things I really miss are my friends and family. I wish you guys could see what it's been like being away. It's been refreshing. Like something I've always needed. So if you have the chance to go away for awhile and see another part of the world I'm telling you it's the best decision you can make.

It's been amazing. And I know for sure that these few months have changed me for a lifetime.

A blink of an eye and it's been a week since I've arrived in Toronto. Tomorrow work starts and its the same new thing all over. A thing I find about getting older is that it makes you a little more fearless and assured.

So the job hunt is heating up as well. Graduation is in a year so now its about time when everyone sends in their job applications.

Mom called to say I got my first offer. I felt really satisfied at that point. It's nice to know that my work the last few years has paid off. Whether I find a job or not, I really feel like I have alot less to worry about now because I've done my best already. I would have never made it this far without all my friends and colleagues at the places where I've worked at.

Doing my applications and writing my cover letters, I realized I have really tried my best the couple of years. And just re-reading the things I wrote in my cover letters, I know that my effort has paid off. It's been a good lesson to me that I can do something if I put everything into it. It must be Bap's genes haha.

Despite the rocky job market, I'm feeling really positive about things in general. And you know if things don't work out as planned, whatever. I did my best.

This has been a great few months. Stanford, New York and now Toronto.

The last few days has been great just catching up on rest and taking it easy. Staying with the Boersma's has been so relaxing. Since I arrived here several days ago I've been just vegging out and hanging out with Sih-Ee and Nate. It's been really nice.

So work starts on Tuesday and alot of work to do before my first day. If this were Ian2005 he'd be panicking but the last couple of years has taught me to take it easy and take one thing at a time. The bliss of growing up. Either that or plain ignorance.

The last couple of months has only reinforced the things I love about life. Family, friends and the need to be motivated and challenged in my work. I always feel grateful for the things I have and over the last couple of months I only feel more lucky. I only feel blessed because I have the support of the people I love.

So hello to all my pals in France, USA, Canada, Spain, Mexico and back home! Take care and see you guys soon.

Heya how's everyone been doing? I haven't written in awhile because there's been so much going on the last couple of weeks. The exams are on Thursday and by Sunday I'll be leaving Stanford. I haven't had the chance to take photos on campus but I will and you'll see why it is the most beautiful campus in North America.

Just when I was getting used to the laid-back life I realized there's tons to do. After spending some time here I decided it might be good to do a PhD in Psychology, so been practicing the GRE exams, finding more about schools, meeting professors and students. After my trip to New York I set up a meeting with the Dean of the PhD program at Berkeley so I'm really stoked and I will need to prepare for that.

As usual job applications, travel arrangements to new york, getting ready for my internship in Canada. The summer is officially over people!

It's been great here so I hope I get some time to enjoy, and I'll see you guys soon.

Last Friday we went to the Great America theme park and it was wild. The bunch insisted on doing the 22 storey drop first so I almost died before the real fun began. There were even rollercoasters where you ride standing! Crazy American people.

After being at Stanford for 5 weeks I realize that friendship is a currency that is universal. My closest friends here are Russian, Khazak, Brazilian, Korean and American, and I realise that even though we don't always have the same word for "dumbass", it doesn't really matter.

On Saturday we went for the John Mayer concert at Mountainview. It was so awesome because the weather was so beautiful and the amphitheatre was in the middle of mountains under the stars. With garlic fries in one hand and Pepsi in another, it was the best way to see him live. It was just me, John and 20,000 fans sprawled out on the grass.

I feel so grateful to have come to Stanford. Just to have been able to escape for abit to recharge and regroup has been one of the best things that has happened to me in a long time. I have been enjoying every moment, and it's helped to rediscover the authentic me.

gay san francisco

Heya! How's it going? I guess I haven't written in awhile.

I've been having alot of fun since I arrived in SF. Stanford has been so amazing and I wish I could share it with all of you, but there are no words to describe the experience I've been having.

Life here has been so great. I made a conscious effort to come here to relax, enjoy and make as many friends as possible, and I've done that.

I haven't written much because since I've arrived I've had a real sense of peace and it's just hard to even describe that. I always write when something is on my mind, and I guess the last couple of weeks have really let me relax and feel at ease. I don't even know what to say really. I'm so grateful I had the chance to be here.

It's about 11pm now and I just came back from town. After a great fried chicken dinner I took a cycle out of campus. Stanford is so beautiful in the evenings, and with the Californian breeze and John Mayer for company, it's a joy to be in the outdoors. Had a huge cup of frozen yoghurt and went to borders to read some magazines before heading back.

There are so many things I want to share with you guys about. Like the amazing weather, beautiful campus, funny people, to-die-for food, crazy parties and awesome shopping. I'll write soon.

In the meantime take care, have lots of fun whichever part of the world you are, and cya soon!

stationary



official

Dorm Life



self-explanatory



my desk

Narita



N Dubs



Discrimination



The 100m Toilet Paper Dash



So my Armadillo didn't get through customs



Suggestive Chicken



Crazy Red McIndian Burger



Coke gone wild

So it's one hour to the airport. A few weeks ago the whole idea of leaving was just a random idea, just a really nice thought of being able to escape for abit. I haven't had the time to plan what to do there or what to expect, and I can barely believe I'm actually going.

I'm glad I had a chance to catch up with good friends before leaving. This trip means alot to me because for once I get to relax and enjoy myself.

The last couple of years have been taxing. It's been a mad whirlwind right from the start. But not the next couple of months.

Time to escape for abit. To catch my breath. To leave everything behind. And to find myself in SF. Catch you later.

I have the best family.

If someone asked you "How good does water taste?" What would you say?

Is that a trick question? What do you mean how good does water taste like? Water is water isn't it? It's alright I guess. But what happened if one day we didn't have any water to drink.

That's how family is like.

Over the last few years I've really gotten to appreciate my family. While many people have come and gone, there's always one constant in life.

When David left for las vegas and Mike went to the army I really felt how important each of the Kwoks are. And now that David is back and Mikey is on holiday I feel like we're back in full-swing. 3 is the perfect number.

It's weird that we feel closer after spending some time apart. But life is weird.

Been awhile since I really wrote anything. There's been nothing much happening recently I guess. Compared to the last couple of months, the hols have been so much less dramatic and tiring. It's just rolling along with ease and a lull period like this is usually followed by a huge up or down. I'm just bracing myself.

So I got Stanford and now comes the crappy bit of sending my documents and doing the visa. I am not even sure they can process it in time. About 10 years ago when I first stepped on the campus I was knocked off my socks by how great the campus was. To think I'll be going to study there just makes me want to pee. California here I come.

I'm planning to take Painting and Drawing, Golf and Investment Science classes. School is 3 days a week which only leaves me with 4 days of weekend every week. AW. Can't wait to galavant around SF with nothing but an ipod touch (which I have yet to buy) and a camera.

Just to steal some time by the beach in the sun will be lots of fun. I am so looking forward to a total time-out.

seeya bitches!

-----Original Message-----
From: Summer Session [mailto:summersession@stanford.edu]
Sent: Wed 5/14/2008 1:48 AM
To: Ian KWOK Zhen Ting
Subject: Welcome to Summer Session at Stanford

Dear Ian Kwok,

We are pleased to admit you to Stanford University for Summer Session 2008! We know visiting students enhance campus life during summer quarter and benefit from the Stanford experience. Your enrollment as a Summer Visitor applies only to the 2008 summer quarter and does not imply regular admission to Stanford in the future. In addition, your admission does not contribute toward candidacy for a degree at Stanford.

We hope you will enjoy the stimulating Stanford environment and the challenges offered in our classes. Please contact the Summer Session Office at 650-723-3109 if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
Teresa Nishikawa
Director of Admission and Student Services
--

1. Work hard and play even harder

2. Stop fretting over the career / graduation / oh-my-what-am-I-going-to-do-next nonsense

3. Do alot of travelling

4. Meet up with all my friends regularly

5. Stick to the fitness routine

6. Eat a healthy diet

TGILaborday. Ate like a pig at american club. Pizza and Buffalo Wings. Been eating so much junk over the last few days. Ramen, Thaiexpress etc.

Work is good. I really enjoy it. I just learnt that Jason is starting work on mon at Citi!! Lunch budds to the maxxxx. The funny thing is we worked together at pwc before and now we're at citi. The funnier thing is he almost worked at templeton this summer. WTH abit like acting photocopied resumes and all. Now all I need is 10 more inches of height and join case and we're twins confirm.

Well nothing much as usual. Just work again and celebrated Eric's birthday yesterday. I thought I would be dreading the start of work but actually its been quite good so far.

My department has to handle alot of agreements and fee schedules because the product managers deal with the nitty gritties of each deal. So to be honest it's not easy and it's hard to deal with so many documents especially if you don't know the processes behind them.

I was super discouraged at the start because there's just so many things to handle at one go, and I didn't know how to deal with so much work. But you know after giving my best shot, coming in earlier and leaving later than most of the people on my floor, I feel like I've earned my spot on the team.

I really take pride in my work, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job at being efficient and meticulous now. I really enjoy the work because I know that my work facilitates the deals. I think alot of people would be like FUCK so much paperwork. But you can't really escape that when you work in a big organization.

I think now I just need to keep on keeping on and to build up my confidence and familiarity with the work. There are times I feel like "how the eff am I going to do all this today??" but then somehow it just works.

It feels very different now from when I first started at Citi. I used to just do my job and hope to be able to knock off at 6 sharp, but now I am proud of my work and I really feel like I am part of the team. One way to know that you are enjoying your work is that you feel energized even right after work, just like with my time at Tangs, and that's something I feel with my my work now.

That something that's really important to me because after work is where life begins, and if your work drains you out, then you don't get to enjoy the other things in life. I'm glad things have progressed naturally without forcing, and this makes me more confident about my career choices.

Went to see David Tao in concert last night. That was fun. My parents and their friends went to Uncle Kheng Long's birthday and apparently they hit it off well with David and so they got invited to his concert. The seats were great. Second row behind the David Tao Singapore fanclub. *fan girl scream*. Auntie Ting Ting brought us backstage and we got to see what it's like behind the scenes. It was a fun performance except it was weird seeing all these uncles and aunties who I've known since I was 0 dancing up and down. Uncle Leslie takes the cake with his florescent green Zegna jeans. Talk about putting on your party pants. Go uncle les haha.


In less exciting news I ran out of facewash so I decided to try the new loreal men expert range. I'm normally not inclined to bother with anything but the facewash but this time I got a toner and some anti-oil gel to see if they work. And after 2 days of trying them I have to say the stuff really works. And they're cheap. Visit www.lorealmen.com The stuff is great.

Tomorrow is the first day of work after a 2 week break. Shucks. I haven't had the time to just relax because of the poetry assignment, but I hope I will be able to catch up on rest eventually.

Uncle Norm says I might have to work in Toronto for Nov and Dec which may mean I can't follow Jase they all to the rockies shucks. See how it goes. It will be fun going when it's snowing, but I guess we'll have to see how templeton wants to fix the dates around. I am just super grateful to be going to Canada at this point. Everyone will be away and this will be my exchange.

The Warrior

My name is Warrior Kwok,
And I belong to School Bus B.
I come from the land of Holland Road,
And I bring great news with me.

Our people have chosen me to lead,
And we’ve planned some nasty things.
So listen carefully to my words
Before the recess bell rings.

My ancestors have taught me well,
I am training in the art of hiding,
I can evade my fate of detention or canning
That my form teacher is now deciding.

Her leader is fierce, he is formidable,
And he goes by the name of Lee.
He canes offenders by their bums
For all in school to see.

What warrior with any self-respect
Would do this dirty deed?
So I ask for your loyalty to the end.
With honor I will lead.

Ian Kwok

Been writing poetry like mad today. It's not easy trying to force 12 poems in one day but I have to submit them soon and they make up 50% of my grade. Alot of them are retarded or funny or wierd but none overly emo. Emo is abit 2006, and our prof hates the emos. I did this cock one based on the stories the prof told us about him and his wife arguing all the time. Here goes:


Wanton Mee

Our love,
Like a soggy wanton mee,
Maybe sitting out too long,
But it tastes alright to me.

Our love,
Like a Tiger Beer gone flat,
Maybe should have drank it earlier,
But where’s the fun in that?

Our love,
Like a chendol that has melted,
Maybe doesn’t look so nice.
But that’s the way nature intended.

Our love,
Like jackfruit overdue,
Maybe doesn’t smell too good,
But I don’t care if I’ve got you.

Just got back from supper. Haven't written anything much in awhile because there hasn't been much to write about. No work for 2 weeks while exams are on. No internship matters to be sorted out. No more ice cream shop to worry about since mom and bap are back. Just a little peace and alot of headache from exams.

Just want to thank all my friends for making my birthday special. You know this term has probably been the most testing term for me so I am very grateful for every single one of you. I always think I live a privileged life and its only because I got my family and every one of my friends. I think doing well in school or work probably doesn't mean anything if you haven't got the people you love around you and I definitely can't ask for anything more. Thanks Dave and Mike for your wishes and Mom and Bap for the headphones!

For those of you who've taken this crazy 3 year journey with me in school I thank you for your friendship. We see each other day in day out in the libs or along the corridor until xians2000 but you have no idea how much I appreciate your friendship. You know when we meet up and you tell me the exciting things you're doing over summer or the places you're going for exchange I get really excited. It makes me happy to know all of us are going places. So thanks for being onboard this rollercoaster we've been riding together.

I really love birthdays because its the best excuse to see all your friends (even in the middle of exams!) and that's way better than any present.

So thanks everyone. Good luck for exams! and pizza party / movie marathon after our papers confirm!

1.23am. 7 more minutes to bed.

Yesterday was a long day. Oh, which basically means it was a normal day. In the morning had my excel presentation for CAT class. Was fucking awesome. I felt like on fire when I presented. The prof was impressed and alot of the other groups were wowed. We even did a silly brochure. Was so worried about this for a long time. PWNAGE bitches.

Had dinner with jasereims. Fun stuff. We went to crystal jade.

Then was at the shop at 2am. Mom and Bap are away so I have to manage the shop.
The fridge alarm went off so had to drive down at midnight to shop to make sure the fridge wasn't open. One of the girls put too much detergent to wash the floor and so there I was remopping the floor at 2am at serene centre by myself. Talked to Karl about running the business. He's also thinking of doing his family business. We decided we're going to conquer China one day.

Karl is very smart (and also like a 5 year old kid haha) and I think of how much the banks are paying us and that's really not what we're worth. You know even running a small ass business pays better than almost anything. Makes me wonder if its worth working for someone. To be honest its not. It's just nice to have a glamorous title and tell people you're from blah blah, but nothing beats pwning the world yourself.

Some days I feel like I have no time to relax at all. Between citi school and the shop I feel like a ping pong ball being batted back and forth. Thank god I have the cars.

In school now everyone has an internship. It's really amazing. Some people have gotten really good places and I'm glad for them. You know once you get your first job, it doesn't matter if you were a loser, or a winner, or the president, or the substitute, or a somebody, or a nobody. Everything goes inside the rubbish bin and is refreshed as either Chia Boon Tat Accounting or something like Goldman Sachs Sales and Trading.

Over the last few months I've been working like mad and I can't wait for the hols to come. I think its paid off alot. And now I feel like I will be able relax alot more when the time comes. I know alot of friends who've worked their asses off. For a GPA, for a job, for an internship, for a dream, and for the future. So congrats you stubborn mofos. Yes you. You crazy idiots who've been working hard in your own ways. For all of you who never took the easy way out. I totally understand how it feels like. And no matter what the outcome, doesn't it feel fucking good to know you did everything you can?

Yay its good friday which means its a long weekend!!

Man SO need to sleep. I actually enjoy the work and school routine because it gives me the best of both worlds but one thing I don't have is enough sleep.

It's my 3rd week with my department and getting along well with the team. We mainly handle financial institutions so we have to be very on the ball about documentation, agreements etc. Val is also at citi so we met for lunch the other day and it was nice to catch up. Also bumped into Sharon Law from my old dept. Isn't the name Sharon Law the coolest? Did you know staff get 21 days of leave? wth.

Met Evelyn for dinner as well. Evelyn is at Estee Lauder now. She's really happy there so that's great. She is definitely the estee type and if she stays she'll be very good at her work. Alot of people getting interviews and internships the last week or so. Congrats ambrose, eric, chloe and weims! It's really exciting. Maybe I should be in HR and just be excited for people all the time haha.

For 3 years we've been doing projects, attending internship talks, doing exams and living in the library. And now we finally have something to show for it. How exciting really. We're almost there.

I was looking at Eric's excel sheet of internship applications and I was like omgg that's damn fierce. But hey this is the fucking time to be fiercer than ever. The fiercest of the fierce. Bap mentioned your first job sets you on a trajectory and I think he's right.

So if you've been working hard, been fighting for something you've wanted. Just keep on keeping on. And kick some ass.

Yikes been quite a while since I last wrote anything. Been so busy. Been working at citi for 2 weeks now and trying to juggle with school. Been quite mad but with proper time management it hasn't been so bad. Times like these you really appreciate the friends that always make an effort to meet up or try to keep in touch. You also appreciate just sitting around and doing nothing. What a luxury.

I can't remember having more than an hour to relax the last 2 weeks. Even on the bus I'm writing in my notebook for my to-do list or catching up with friends on the phone or catching up with sleep. I feel tired talking just talking about it.

Even so life is good. I honestly feel good about going to work and acting as though I'm one of the people in suits and with their blackberrys clipped to their belts. At lunch time I knock off and watch the tons of people from citi head back to the office while I'm rolling up my sleeves and taking off my tie for school. It's like I get to play 2 parts. It feels nice to have the best of both worlds.

O&M got back to me to confirm my internship this summer. I couldn't say no. So just with one e-mail it has been decided that I'm not going to Africa after all. Oh well to be honest right now all I need is abit of sleep. Ok maybe alot. Templeton also got back to me to give me the green light for the internship. So I guess I've just planned my whole year in a matter of 2 weeks. I can't wait because working full-time will be much more manageable than juggling school and work at the same time. Wish I had all the time to try everything in the world.

Everyone's finally getting serious about summer internships now. Tons of people interviewing at tons of different places. I am truly excited for every one of them because it's going to play a big part in where they end up working. I think I've worked quite hard in school and it's nice to know that I finally don't have to worry so much anymore. I've paid my dues this time.

My family is setting up a new business soon. Related to the Island concept so watch for it. I was just telling Dave how we should run the business when we're done with school. Wish he was around because I can help my dad with alot of the strategy and business development ideas but Dave would know alot more about operations and ground work. I somehow feel that no matter where I work at I'll probably leave it to go back to Island someday. Just a matter of when really.

Couldn't sleep last night thinking about my cat project. Woke up like a zombie and headed down to school with Adel to meet some IT guru friend of hers who pointed us in a good direction. Thank god for that because we got inspired and we went back to my place to work like mad. Did tons alot today and ruined my eyesight tons alot also. Thank god adel is in my group otherwise I would have died 10 years ago.

Been quite stressed lately. Del says I get stressed and it's true. It's like a double edged sword. On one hand it makes you do 110% and on the other hand you get eyebags so big you don't need a laptop case.

Sometimes it's when you're stressed then you know who your real friends are. Lately I've been glad I can count on some of my friends to help me out where I need help. And I believe it's God's blessing. And I can't believe I just said that.

Been squinting all week. My eyes are so dry it feels like there's always sand in them. I think my eyes need eyemo on a drip. I told del to pray for me cuz I am so exhausted. Time for bed.

Finally confirmed my internship. Funds and securities services with Citi. Regional sales team. The only catch is that it starts on er monday. Like this coming monday. 3 mornings a week on top of 6 modules. Ok.

I honestly did not did not want to work during the term but I didn't have much of a choice.

Whatever it is I feel glad to back because I made alot of friends there the last time and it's all familiar. When I went for the interview on Tues it really felt good to see everyone again and they were bugging me for ice cream as usual. I will bring them something next week.

The office of admissions called me today. They checked my resume and they want me to give a talk at the SMU open house about internships. It's called "SMU Super Intern". HAHA WTH. Cheesefactor2008. Someone needs to be shot. I don't really have the time to prepare but I think it's important that the kiddos coming for our open house need to know that our name is pretty out there when it comes to employment.

Damn I'm tired. Shit I can't wait for the hols so I don't have to think about anything other than just one thing. During the interview Tracy was like "Gee your schedule looks more packed than a working person." You bet Tracy.

I realised I have 10 different papers to do by the end of the term. Shit.

Went for the Citi interview this morning. I think Tracy was pleased I'm familiar with Citi so she was already asking when I could start work. She needs help asap so I might have to work mon, tues and fri mornings during school term and continue during the hols. OMG what am I doing seriously. But it's not like I can say no. Its regional sales for securities and fund services so it's front end which is good. HR called me back at 9pm to confirm which days I'm available, but omg now I'm wondering if I can take such a heavy load. I hope they don't confirm anything until next week. Help.

JPM hasn't gotten back to me. Tim says I'm probably 2nd in line and they're waiting for the first person to decline or accept. DECLINE DAMMIT YOU DECIDING -BETWEEN-JPM-OR-GOLDMAN-SACHS-IDIOT.

DIOT.

Yay, one free hour before class starts. Did some work last night till 2am. Luckily Kelvin was online to help me out. Was so fucking frustrated and annoyed. Fucking worst class ever.

I was so annoyed I drove to the petrol kiosk at 2.30am to buy noodles. Then I got back and realized the stove is not working. What the hell.

So I woke up late this morning. Thank God mom sent me to school so I could attend fucking-worst-class-ever. I got a call during class and was wondering what weird number it was. Luckily I took the call outside. Turns out Citi remembered my request and I got an interview with securities and fund services for next tues. Thanks Jing Jing.

So fucking-worst-class-ever wasn't the fucking worst class ever. Baps been talking about recession and how jobs are going to be cut. Seriously damn scary. Its a reality now. For the first time in years people are talking about difficulties in getting jobs. Sink or swim people. Sink or swim.

Time for bed. Almost. I just remember I was loading an episode of Project Runway.

JPM hasn't gotten back. I believe they must have picked someone already. I did my interview last Tuesday and still no reply. The first time I did my interview on Wed and I knew by Monday. Chances are I think the fact that I didn't have a "bachelors of business" makes this a real longshot. They are probably contacting Mr Business or Mr Accounting now and not informing the rest so that if Mr Business has another offer already they can call Mr Social Science. In my mind the interview keeps on replaying and picking on my mistakes and I am prepared for the worst.

In better news I have decided to plan something different for my summer. I've decided to go to South Africa and take the course to be a certified Safari ranger. Either 1 month or 3 months. See how it goes. Not getting JPM will suck but maybe being chased by lions will help me get over my loss and put things in perspective. This is something I've always always wanted to do and I think it will be life changing to say the least.

Just thinking about the trip the last few days has got me thinking of how I've always wanted to be a vet. I can't turn back time, but I should think of things that are related to the animal business maybe. Like Zoo management, wildlife conservation. Or even helping people, doing humanitarian work. That's been a part of me that I've suppressed for so long.

Sometimes I feel like I'm 4 different people in one person. Not in terms of personality but maybe interests. It's just that the world is so big and there are so many things to do. One thing I am grateful for is how my parents have been supportive of everything I do.

I think the worst thing to have in life is no passion and no dedication. Worst thing ever. If you're not willing to go all out for something, or you're not willing to put in the effort or have the balls to take the risks, then there's no point in living really. Who actually knows what they want to do in life? No one. But you just got to try and keep trying and searching. You just got to give 101%.

I know alot of people who shortchange themselves because they don't put effort into the things they do. And it's really sad. I find it almost annoying. It's almost like being with them saps your enthusiasm about life. But for every 10 people who are like the cattle you find 1 very inspiring person. Someone different. Who stands out because they have a passion, or because they are fighting for something. And that's rare.

Life is too damn short. Ideally we'd have 14-day weeks, half of which would be a weekend. But because we don't live in an ideal world where we have all the time in the world, we have to live it to the best. Which is a really good excuse to be a hedonist. A hedonist is someone who enjoys the pleasures in life. Guilty as charged.

Sometimes while I'm surfing I really enjoy looking at extravagant luxury websites. Cars, boats, spas, villas, travel, hotels and dining. It's fun to sit in front of the computer and live vicariously through my macbook. It's the same reason why you walk into an expensive shop even though you know you can't afford anything. It's just fun.

The funny thing is I probably know more about Las Vegas than David does. Sometimes I look at the hotels or restaurants you can find on the strip, and I see the shows they play at the Casinos. It feels like traveling for free.

I really love the idea of excess. The free flow wine and meals. The way the phantom coupe looks like a boat. The fine dining they have onboard the Silversea cruise liners. Can anyone say no to a 131 day long extended world cruise on a luxury boat?

But you know really, I just love the idea of excess. But just the idea only. After all it is fun to imagine and aspire, but I don't really need to live in an Italian villa to be happy. It's abit of a paradox isn't it? Yes I suppose. But if we aim for something like luxury and expect it then we may be disappointed. However there is no disappointment if we're really just happy with whatever we've got. It's still ok to aspire.

http://www.ulovane.co.za/courseinformation2.asp

That being said I stumbled upon this website. For 3 months you undergo training in South Africa to become a qualified Safari Ranger. No shit. 4X4 driving lessons, advanced rifle handling and a course on dangerous animals. How fucking awesome is that? I've always wanted to go to south africa and live in the wilderness. Fucking awesome. I think I would be such a happy person living that kind of life. I would give up my phantom anytime for a life in a jeep in the Serengeti. The truth is I've always been a nature type of person and this would be the epitome of living out my wildest dreams. Even more than being an artist or a vet or a banker. But I can imagine the amount of sacrifice it takes to give everything up to chase something as wild as that. How fucking awesome though.

Just finished my interview. Still in my shirt and pants and stuck at some MOS burger till my 7pm class starts. The interview went well but I've decided not to think about it anymore and just assume I didn't get it. By next week I will probably know if I got it, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

All I know is that it's been an honor to be considered for a position with JPM. I was sitting at the reception area waiting for Sumit, when I heard a familiar voice. Turns out it was Jensen. He was there for his first interview with treasury services I think. Different department. Good luck Jensen I hope we're lunch buddies for both our sakes.

This is one of the most exciting times of our lives. It's the time when we get out of school and hit the workplace. Of course school is fun and relaxed but getting a good job determines how the next phase of our lives work out. It determines how we're going to live, and ultimately how our family lives.

I am excited. Not just specifically about JPM but about life. I've worked very hard these few months and just to see the effect of my effort is something really exciting. I'm fed up of just grades and marks. They don't mean anything by themselves. Life is so much more than just a report card.

You know in life we're used to celebrating successes, but I think if we learnt how to appreciate the process and the lessons we learn from failure, we'd be alot more content about our lives. So internship or not, I hope I've learnt something along the way and just keep on keepin' on.

Tomorrow I'm going back to the JPM office for my 2nd and final round of interview. I am scared like shit but fairly confident at the same time. After a online IQ test and a interview at their office I'm back again.

Been reading finance newspapers like nobodies business. Herald Tribune, Wall Street Journal and FT oh my. Now I have an opinion about everything finance related. Just please don't ask me about derivatives because I know shit about derivatives.

I am excited and scared. After coming out of the last interview I've learnt it's important to keep your cool and be positive even if you don't know what the $%#* your interviewer is asking, and even if he is a smartass. And maybe especially if he is a smartass.

It's like meeting for an arranged wedding. If the person likes your face you're set otherwise you have to find another bride to marry.

I feel like I die abit inside when I know
But what can I do
The problem was the feelings never changed
Even till now
Tell me I'm not the only one
Tell me it isn't my imagination
Tell me it's not going to be easy to get over this
I don't want a replacement just so it makes it easier
I just want to remember it right
So maybe I have no choice to just sit and watch
And just die a little everytime

Didn't do much today. Had one class and one reunion dinner and one supper. Tomorrow is the ultimate do nothing day. Absolutely do nothing. Except reunion dinner no. 3 which requires absolutely no effort at all.

http://www.rolls-roycemotorcars.com/

Yesterday was tinkering around with changing the external paint and interiors of the Phantom coupe (convertible). Click on the link above and tell me it's not love at first site.

UBC sent me the request to send my school transcripts over and now I'm not sure I would actually transfer if I got in. Anyways not much point speculating like the last round. Let's focus on the things at hand.

Like sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. Thank God it's cny because a break could have never come in a more timely fashion.

It's 6.25am and I haven't slept yet. Just got out of bed after tossing and turning for hours. My body clock has officially gone nuts.

There's about 5 million thoughts going through my head, Just racing in my mind like the rwd and fwd buttons gone wrong. Maybe that's what I get for tiring myself out the last few weeks.

So now it's just me and a glass of Calpis soda trying to calm down. I think it's working.

I'm glad it's the new year holidays. Because I'm running on low batteries. Output is still 120% but the juice is dying and the head is aching.

You put 2 motivated, serious adults (1 bald guy and 1 girl) together and you get something like me. Dave is like mom. Mike is like Bap. Except I got everything, the good the bad and the ugly.

That still doesn't fully explain how I can't get to sleep but I suppose it explains how I got to this point. Ha yeah blame it on the parents.

I think despite the tirednesstheworktheheadeggs and the sheer inability to see the whiteboard in school anymore, I am happy. If only I just had abit of time to stand back, appreciate my life and say "Oh good job" then maybe it would be perfect, but I think I'm just so in the swing of things I just can't yet.

It's just with life there's so manythousandmillionsbillionstrillions of excitingcoolsuperfunky things to do if you go and do them. Unfortunately one day is limited by 24 hours with 60 minutes and 60 seconds. If there's one thing I don't understand it's how slack some people are. Their loss.

I imagine one day in the future I might look back and think of this headache day and think "You stupid boy doing so much and almost killing yourself. But thank god you were a stupid boy because it got you somewhere and I'm now standing where that somewhere is. And now I never have to be a stupid boy with a headache for the rest of my life because of you."

Regret. Worst word in the universe. The whole fucking universe. My only real regret in life is not learning how to play soccer properly in primary school. Regret is shit because the whole point about it is you can't change, which is how screwed up. So fuck regret.

I should write more at 7am because it seems the rubbish comes out more straight forwardly. And I just discovered mom didn't wash my cup properly. Except for that bit of breaking news I feel alot better. Ok time for bed.

Been so tired the last 2 days that whenever I read I feel like puking. Well not only when I'm reading. At dinner last night I felt like I had the biggest headache ever. Even in the bus I feel sea sick. I seriously need a break. Been so damn tired seriously. I think I'm dying.

Been working extra hard this term. Extra extra. Just so many things to do seriously.But I can't help it. There are really alot of important things to sort out this term. Tim got HSBC. Congrats! Ok at least that's one confirmed. It's very amazing how alot of my schoolmates are getting interviews with the top names. It's important because SMU is new nd we got to reach for the big banks to get us recognized.

check this out:
http://www.ralphlaurenhome.com/

Simply one of the best collections of furniture ever. I've already decided how my house is going to look like. Just select the "Modern Chairman" range and you'll get a glimpse haha. Which reminds me why I need to get a good job badly. Uncle Lung works at Citi and he recently just asked his car shop to spray paint his nokia to match his ferrari. Ok.

Oh today I got the reply from JPM. I could see it already. "Dear Ian thank you for your interest in Global Credit Risk Management but unfortunately we cannot offer you a position at this time. We wish you the best in your endeavours and hope you will continue to consider us in future." See I can write an excellent rejection letter. I could totally see how the rejection letter looked like the second I stepped out of the office, and all my smses coming out of my hp for the next 5 mins started with the word "FUCK do you know..."

I would have been totally expecting it, except this time it went "Dear Ian, Congratulations you have made it to the 2nd round of interviews..." WTF?!? I was thinking. The interviewer totally skewered me with his questions and he let me in. WTH man what a sick joke. You bitch you haha. Ok but thanks for letting me in.

Part of me says, "OMG DON'T EVEN LOOK FORWARD TO THIS, YOU'LL JUST BE DISAPPOINTED", but you know that's fucking life. You can't have that failure attitude. You have to look forward to something, to work 110% for it, to be passionate, to be excited about it, to dream it and don't second guess yourself. Otherwise you're no different from anyone else.

So in short next Tues I have a date with destiny, and probably the modern chairman collection of ralph lauren home some day.

1. who is the chairman of the Fed?
ben bernanke
2. when was the last fed rate change?
last week
3. how much was the change?
-0.75%
4. when is the next meeting?
sorry not sure
5. how will the drop in interest rates affect the us economy?
it will probably take 3-6 months for the effects of increased liquidity to benefit the economy, however this is going to cause a long-term problem of inflation.
6. Is it the Fed's role to control inflation?
Probably not but it must be considered when making monetary policy. Alot of people are not happy with ben bernanke because of this.
7. what is the difference between futures and forward contracts?
Sorry I can't rmbr at the top of my head
8. what is the difference between operational lease and financial lease?
Sorry not sure
9. what information doesn't the balance sheet have?
Hmm not sure.
10. Other finance question I can't rmbr.
Sorry I'm not sure about that.

5/10. Pass. Job offer? Probably fail. But I think for a Social Science student I did quite ok. FUCK. I'll be back bitches. Then you can take the financial ratios and shove them up your doody.

Sometimes I feel like I'm spread as thin as jam. Like a tablecloth 1 inch too small for the table.

Sometimes I have tons of things to do and no idea what to start with. They should have made 48 hour days.

It's good and not good. Jack of all trades and master of some. That pretty much sums it up. Eggs in a few baskets. Sometimes I can't remember how many eggs I have.

But maybe it's better to be really good at one one thing. It's less tiring for sure. Less of a burden really. You don't have to pick or think. Just shut up and do. Ignorance is bliss.

Or maybe I just need some water and a good rest tonight.

After poetry class today I wrote 7 poems for my illustrations. It's part of my own project I'm doing. Another to-do to add.

I've stopped playing nintendo simply because I need to cancel out some of the those to-dos.

Dammit why so many to-dos. Always never enough time for to-dos but always just nice for family and friends. Why dammit. I told you I need 48. God just give me one day more a week. One between Sunday and Monday. Call it Smonday.

I'm taking Poetry classes. No seriously. I signed up for Creative Writing except it turns out that its really a poetry writing class. So for 14 weeks I have poetry lessons with Chloe under the bohemianest of all professors, Robert Yeo. Because we used to read so much poetry when we stayed in England. It's not really much of a stretch. But classes are really interesting because its so far out and our prof is this 60 year old guy who looks like he survived the flower power era.

Yesterday played poker with cherylpovaweimseeranghankanabs. Eh shit sounds like a bad word. Was fun. Only because buy in was $10 and I won $7.80 which means it paid for my cab back from Serangs. Having poker again next Fri but cherylpova is leaving soon so that's kind of sad. Next term I think NO ONE I know will be around and everyone is going on exchange so thank god I'm working.

Played Lan with weijoldzichael. I have to rearrange that next time. Was really fun. It's essential to kill someone every now and then to destress.

Had to deal with alot of rude people this week. If it's one thing I don't take it's rude people. One of our modules are quite heavy, so the prof was having a discussion about it in class with us. The teaching assistant told us if we couldn't handle a level 200 mod we should take a level 100 module. I was pissed off. And basically don't fuck with a kwok. So I just gave it to him on the spot in front of the whole class. Least to say Ivy Lau was abit stunned but I think she knew JJ was being a dick. Tartaaaaar anyone? There goes my A.

OMG HELP. Tired like shites and tmrw is 2 lessons and 1 exam all in one row. Shacksness to the maxness.

Weims msged me to ask what time he should have his RBS interview haha. The funny thing was that I was thinking exactly the same thing when I got my interview e-mail. It's important I think. I chose 4pm because the bank routine is the same. 9am-11am emails and meetings. 11-12pm rushing work for lunch. 2-4pm sleepy. 4-6pm awake but getting ready to go home. 6-7pm last minute rushing work. So 4pm is officially the best time for an interview because no one's in a rush. Tim got HSBC and lehman interviews. Drinks on him if he gets it. Tis the season to be interviewing. It's good la I mean if you're in the business school you just got to go all out especially now with all the deadlines looming.

This weekend got to go to kino to find out more about credit risk. That's what I applied for so I'm supposed to sound like I know everything about it. Luckily credit risk isn't so technical so I hope the interview won't be so competency based.

In about 2 months time it will be just fucking too late to apply anywhere for summer so everyone is feeling the heat. Time to wake up and smell the coffee.

Just Week 2 and feeling damn tired omg. Have my Harvard finance exam on Wed so I'm getting a nose bleed just studying my ass off for it.

Met Dz and Wy for golf on Sun. Shit I rmbr why I like golf. This time we're going to do it more regularly. 3 of us complaining about internships and the banks. Like bloody uncles seriously. Wy is a little worried about getting a job. Who isn't. Especially with the banks all taking big hits from subprime and the titanic of the US, the only thing for sure is that it's going to be hard to get a good job. Don't even talk about the IBs and the M&As, it's going to be tough just getting any job. But whatever seriously, the only thing we can do is work our ass off and try our best. I don't think wy needs to worry though.

Finally got confirmation of my JPMorgan interview. You know how you don't want to look forward to these things even though you are excited like shit. I am trying not to think about it because I don't want to give myself to much pressure. This is probably one of the most serious things I've had to go for though.

It feels like Week 14 seriously. Got an exam to study for, the usual school work to do, classes to attend, internship applications, school applications and what not. Wah lau.

Watched another episode of Project Runway. I could watch it the whole day if there were that many episodes to watch.

I have an affinity with design and art, so fashion is just one of the million ways in which they can be expressed. Watching the designers work, I totally understand how they feel. Working for deadlines. Making sure your work is commercial but still representative of your style. Working with the materials you've got. Keeping at it when you're out of inspiration.

When I see a piece of clothing, I immediately mentally cut it into the separate pattern pieces in my head. It automatically fits into a collection of other related clothes. When I see a shirt, I can automatically visualize the rest of the outfit that go with it and the ones that don't. It then passes through millions of mental swatches of colors and patterns. It also runs through an imaginary scrapbook of magazine pictures and images of people. That's how clothes process in my head. Sometimes I catch myself running my fingers over random racks of clothes just to sense how they feel like. It's a sensory explosion. This happens superquick in my head, so walking into a store I feel like a bee, with the colors and textures all mapped out from hexagonal eyes.

The last couple of weeks I've churned out 18 paintings for this major project I'm undertaking. I've never painted so much in such a short space of time. It's taught me how to squeeze every ounce of creativity even if I'm out of ideas. Be fierce. That's my motto.

Some people are born to sing, to play sports, to be an academic, to lead or to get rich. I just want to do some art.

Watched another episode of Project Runway. I could watch it the whole day if there were that many episodes to watch.

I have an affinity with design and art, so fashion is just one of the million ways in which they can be expressed. Watching the designers work, I totally understand how they feel. Working for deadlines. Making sure your work is commercial but still representative of your style. Working with the materials you've got. Keeping at it when you're out of inspiration.

When I see a piece of clothing, I immediately mentally cut it into the separate pattern pieces in my head. It automatically fits into a collection of other related clothes. When I see a shirt, I can automatically visualize the pants that go with it and the ones that don't. It then passes through millions of mental swatches of colors and patterns. That's how clothes process in my head.

The last couple of weeks I've churned out 18 paintings for this major project I'm undertaking. I've never painted so much in such a short space of time. It's taught me how to squeeze every ounce of creativity even if I'm out of ideas. Be fierce. That's my motto.

Some people are born to sing, to play sports, to be an academic, to lead or to get rich. I just want to do some art.

What if you were to stand in front of God. What if you were to tell him of how you discriminated against people in his name. What if he told you that was not his intention, that his words became twisted by people. What if he had told you that you were wrong to be so hateful and ignorant. That he made everyone special. Even the handicapped, the sick, the mentally ill. Their imperfections are not "natural" by our standards. But what is natural? Are they now sinners too? None of us were a mistake. It was all his plan. He would then ask you why were you such a hateful person. He would ask you why you used religion to divide instead of include. He would ask you who gave you the power to decide who are saints and who are sinners. What would you tell him then? But luckily your one on one with God is not due yet. Think before you speak.

The first week of school has been great. Work sucks but not if you have your friends close by.

Today I had to go to school early to send in a form to do an extra module. Bumped into Gabe at the office. After that I dropped by delifrance for loser lunch by myself because I only had 15 minutes before class. So I decided to whip out my laptop for a lunchtime companion.

So I checked my email and there was a new one. 4 months ago I did an application to JPMorgan to try my luck. And apparently I got lucky with an interview with the bank.

OMG was my first thought. And OMFG was my second. I wanted to scream. And jump. And throw my fried fish spaghetti bolognese into the air.The odds of actually getting in after the interview is an entirely different matter, but whatever, and I'm just glad I got the interview. If anything, I'd be content to go and tell the interviewer I've given everything I've got to get to this point.

School is for 2 things. 1) to have tons of fun 2) to get ready to kick ass in the real world. And I don't see why you can't have both.

Today was my first day of school. I wasn't looking forward to it at first but seeing nr chl sy toby and gang made me rmbr why I like school. It feels good to be a laojiao.

It's week 1 and I have finals next wednesday. OMG HELP. My harvard finance exams are coming.

It's going to be one fucking year. 4 internships, starting my own business and pulling up my GPA. It stands at 3.37 which is like 0.03 fucking points away from honors. Who the hell set it at 3.4? Bitches.

It's going to be a hardcore year. But hardcore isn't a new concept. I just have to keep my energy up and have a positive attitude.

Evelyn is back. And most probably for good. With her came home a bag of Abercrombie for me and a bag of Victoria’s Secret for my mom.

It’s good to have her back. The past few years we only get to see each other every few months or so, but every time it feels like no time has passed.

Evelyn is as good as family. There are few friends like her. There’s always tons to talk about and do with her. It’s a rare thing nowadays. To find real people. She’s one of them. You know the no bullshit sort. The kind of friend that always puts in the same effort you do. The kind of friend you treasure. Really treasure.

I wish all friendships were so effortless. But that’s a rare thing nowadays, people who really care. There’s no point having 30 friends you have fun times with but who can’t really share anything with. I’ve learnt I’d rather have a small handful I can trust. That’s good enough for me.

Flakes. I realized they are my biggest pet peeve ever. Otherwise defined as people demonstrating flaky behavior. The kind you can’t count on. They disappear as and when. They are good friends, when there’s fun of course.

But for every 10 flakes, there is a person that you meet that isn’t. And that alone is worth sifting through the junk to get to know.

People’s personalities are just like houses. Yes, people as in the you and me type.

Some people are like a studio apartment. Nothing but the basics. Some people are the penthouse type. They need to be on the top.

Some houses have a study room. A library for the more studious type. Some have a huge swimming pool, tennis court or a running track.

Some people have a small apartment with 6 different rooms packed in one space. Others have huge mansions with few rooms.

People’s personalities are just like houses because they make space for people.

Some houses have lots of space for friends and family, while some have none.

Having friends is like walking into someone’s house. Or inviting them over.

People’s personalities aren’t what they seem at first.

At first we think “omg I hate the furniture”, but then we slowly realize we love their house.

On the other hand we sometimes step into a house we love, but begin to realize there isn’t much room to hang around.

Sometimes houses have cool things like a huge movie theatre, a jacuzzi, maybe a 60” plasma tv or a soccer field. And we think “I wonder what else they have.” And unfortunately that’s all there is.

It’s rude to tell your friends “Hey I think you need a kitchen”. Or a study. Or a gym. But sometimes we watch out for them because we don’t want their house to suck. All the better if we are willing to offer a helping hand. But there’s no point telling someone to build a shower if they don’t want to take a bath.

And sometimes we need help with our own houses too. Maybe our chairs don’t match. Or the roof needs fixing. Maybe my living room needs a second opinion.

Some people are happy with their house in “as is” condition. Others feel good continually building to make room for people.

Options options. There can never be a perfect house.

But if family and friends were important to me my living room would be big. Slouchy sofas. Furry rugs. Nothing breakable.

If we could think of our personality as a house, would people we know want to stay over?

Back home!

This is definitely one of those times in life I want to freeze. I am so grateful.

I have my best friends. I've enjoyed a fantastic holiday with my family. Dave is back. Everything is going well with school and work. I have 10 new pants and 3 shoes.

The only complaint is that I don't have money left after japan.

Tis the season to be reminiscent and emo. It's been some fucking year for me. Transfers, internships, pulling up my gpa.

There have been wars. Sparta moments. Questioning who I am and what I believe in.

2007 was the year of the Ian. The year the boy finally grew up.

Coming back from Japan I realised we've got to snap out of thinking we live in a small village. We've got to go out there and find out what makes us really happy. This year has been that for me. Making big decisions for my life. In a big city like Osaka, you're just one little shit in the pond. The only way you stand out is if you chase something you want, not something that someone tells you to do. It could be a dream to pursue your passion, to live somewhere, to try something, to find real love. Whatever it is we're sometimes in the fucking matrix and we swim like tuna fish in a school. We just swim and swim cuz everyone else is swimming.

If you're reading this, maybe you know me or you don't. But just know I mean it at the bottom of my heart when I say to go and fucking chase the thing you want the most. Fuck the matrix. Find yourself and be happy.

The last few days have been so great.

Got to catch up with Shiqin over supper. Hungout with Dan to buy more CDs. Watched the Golden Compass with Lionel and Min. Supper with poon and bnut. Da paolo's with Eric and Gabe. Barracks with Dz and Sil. Arab street with Cheryl Chloe and her omg DAMN cute baby boy. I am so so glad I've finally had the time to see all my good friends and have solid chill time to catch up with them and enjoy some time together.

I mean seriously what is more important in life that the people you love.

The icing on the cake is the trip to Japan next tues. I can't wait to hangout with dave and mike. It will be the first time in months we'll get to hang out in a complete set. I cannot wait.

It was so good to sit around with eric and gabe in silly santa hats and just talk nonsense over good pizza. Later at dempsey when me, sil, dz an di finished dinner ]we took a walk to Ben & Jerry's. Dempsey was lit up with fairy lights and the huge christmas tree, and I was carrying a Christmas tree lolipop that sil and dz gave me, only then did I realise how close christmas is. Tis the season to be jolly.

I went to bloomberg for the training course today. OMG THEIR PANTRY HAS FREE FLOW KETTLE CHIPS, YAKULT, MEIJI MILK, FLORIDA'S NATURAL, CUP A SOUP AND HERSHEYS. Did I mention the kettle chips?

Haven't had time to rest the last few days. Have so much to do. Sunday went for the Sony Ericsson concert and GOT TO GO BACKSTAGE TO SEE WANG LI HOM. *fangirl scream* Ok that was actually my mom, who said she wanted to marry him when he started playing the violin. I hope my dad doesn't read my blog.

Sent a cover letter and resume to Bain yesterday. Got a ultrafast 24 hour turnaround reply:

"Dear Ian,

Thank you for your email application to Louis.

After a careful assessment of your application, we regret to inform you that we are unable to initiate discussions with you at this time.

We have been fortunate to have received a large number of applications from outstanding candidates like yourself, and have had to make a decision on whom to interview based on relative differences in individuals' skills and experiences.

I want to congratulate you for your past accomplishments and to thank you sincerely for allowing us the opportunity to evaluate your credentials. We wish you all the best in your career"

They sound so politically correct its like you almost want to thank them for giving you the boot. Oh well. Let's be realistic. My grades aren't above 3.5 and SMU is definitely no ivy leaguer. As they say, whatever doesn't kill you makes you want to earn more money. Wait a sec.

I got my sociology results back! A-. K la abit lower than i expected but whatever. Just damn glad its over.

Anyone for a china trip next year? I'm thinking of doing this LSE-Bei Da (peking university) program. Will be so fun if I can get Shiqin or Ben to go with me.

http://www.oir.pku.edu.cn/LSE/index.html

Yesterday we just finished our exams. So today can sleep in right? NOT.

OMG Ann Vogel emailed us to say we have to come to school in the morning TODAY to check our grades and see our papers because she's leaving on tuesday. So grudgingly I got out of bed to go to school.

When I got there, there was this oh-so-hostile DO NOT DISTURB postit on the door so I did a keblakangpuseng out of the office area until I saw a carboard box near the door. Lying inside were our piles of exam papers and essay papers abandoned like baby kittens. mew.

So I took a look at my exam paper. K la not bad. Then I saw my essay paper, which had a madhouse weightage of 35%. 35 marks it read. Ok la not bad since it's upon 50. As I flipped through the other papers I realised no one got 40 and above. Huh wtf her marking is so strict I thought.

Then I saw the grading outline and I realised it was upon 35. HUH??!!!! WTFFFFFFF YOU MEAN SHE GAVE ME A PERFECT SCORE????!!!!

And there it was. My little oh-so-spartan moment of glory. My spotlight-on-mr-bean second. My mini happy new year party.

I was especially proud because I FUCKING WORKED my ass off for this paper. Ann Vogel also happens to be one of the most demanding professors in the history of demanding professors. I can tell you honestly she's very intimidating, but I am grateful to her because really gave me excellent advice for my paper. I'm also damn happy because although I normally do better at my business modules, I made a commitment to improve my social science skills, and finally my effort has shown. For a social scientist, a research essay is probably the most important tool in explaining a theory, and I'm quite proud of this one I wrote.

It's been a term to test my stamina because social science isn't like a math or science or business module. There's no hard and fast rules, and there's no telling if you're on the right track during the term because the research paper carries so much weight. I never thought I could do well at it, but this term has really made me optimistic.

I have worked so hard this term. And I am praying that its going to translate into my results. We'll have to wait and see.

SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

FINISHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

SPARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

As I flipped over the exam question paper and read the questions I WAS OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG THANK GOD DEBBIE SENT ME THE PROJECT PAPERS SO I CAN CUT AND PASTE EVERYTHINGGGG OMG AUGUSTINE EAT YOUR PAPER THANKSSSSSS DEBSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! The econs exam was open laptop so me and Gabe compiled the one glossary to rule them all and collected all the other groups papers. When I saw the questions I wanted to scream and cry and hug gabe but communication between candidates is prohibited.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

ITS OVERR!!! Me and Gabe were shouting "Freedom" like 10 times from the sob toilet to the mrt station. Ok maybe 12 times. We took out our pent up frustration and newly established sense of emancipation (of we we) and shot the crap out of the velociraptors in the Jurassic Park 2 game at the arcade.

I AM SO DONE WITH REDBULL I SWEAR.

Today had 2 paperssss I swear GROSNESSS TO THE MAX. The first one was yucksfest '07 by our east german prof. I swear it was set by the gestapo. I felt like I bashed down the berlin wall and walked over to the west because the afternoon paper was the complete opposite. TOBIAS RETTIG IS THE BEST AND YOU HEARD IT HERE! Was writing like mad house cuz he was specific about what we should study. We heart toby and toby hearts us. Me and lionel thinking of sending him something from marks and sparks for christmas and maybe share with some of the rest. Nicest prof in the history of nicest profs.

Lionel's last paper on sat. Like ever. He's starting work at Shell in jan so this is it. Kinda sad isn't it? Hope we'll be in touch. But i think should be no prob cuz the Shell building is nearby which means we can go to central for jap food again with Min hahaha.

Its so wierd, Brig and Lin Ting are working at PWC 3 days after exams. Time seriousllllly flies.

The last time me, lionel, brig and lin ting met up we were interning at pdubs and having dinner after work. OMG will never forget dinner at cafe cartel. I was like an hour late, shack like shit, and all of us were carrying our act auditing laptop bags and pwc files. That day was pull-out day so I was carrying a ton of files with all the bloody financial statements in them when Lin Ting told me I wasn't supposed to bring the files out. HECK LA.

No wonder I'm not an accountant.

Today I was studying with X and X and we had this random idea of moving to X after we graduate. Me and X knew X would love the idea because even though he's studying business I bet he'd enjoy working with kids alot more. Made me think about my original plan to work at X after I graduate. Maybe I don't really like X that much. I dunno its hard to think about it really. Between X, X and X I still think that it was the best place I've worked at. I'll give it time to sort itself out. Whatever it is we've got the backup plan hahaha. X HERE WE COME! Wear red underwear shout loud loud XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!! moment.

I'm really happy for X that he got a job doing a brochure for X. This is another step up for him since last writing an article for X. He's definitely on his way.

I asked X and X to sign up for the X workshop with me. If I'm still sticking to my original plan of working at X after I graduate it would be nice to some experience knowing how to operate X. I think its a useful skill to learn because its such a basic platform.

Me, X and X signed up for the X challenge online. We only have one day to do it after exams wtf. Its abit annoying that I have to start working right after exams. And then its the X workshop on tues. HAHA OMG X is so going to slack while me and X do all the work I SWEARR. Kidding la X.

X wrote back to me yest to say that they are accepting applications. I'm really glad because I didn't think I'd hear from them. I really hate writing the cover letters because it does take up alot of time.

X's idea about going to X with X has made me think maybe I should do something fun this year. I'm still thinking of setting up X next year. It might take some time but I really will enjoy doing X as opposed to something which requires any thinking. THANK X ITS THE END OF EXAMS TMRW. Seriously damn tired. tXif. Hope I won't be too tired to go X with X after. Jiayouz to the max.

Thanks to the power of Visa, I signed up for the Introduction to Financial Statements course with INSEAD over the internet. It's like a revision for all the accounting stuff I've done in FA and PWC. Alan said that I'd have to read financial statements at Templeton so I thought it would be good to do a refresher course and slap something on my resume at the same time since I have nothing much to do during the hols.

It's been quite a madhouse year because I've been working like hell towards finance. If you use your index finger and cover the line which reads "bachelors of social science, major in psychology", there's no way you'd be able to guess what I'm majoring in from my CV. To make things more schizo, I made 2 different resumes so that my arty bohemian marketing side doesn't clash with my bureaucratic, corporate finance side.

Next year is going to be an even more madhouse year. Because I'm taking a term off, it's 4 internships back to back. Citi is not confirmed yet and I'm a little kancheong about the whole application thing because I'm such a damn planner. If they don't get back to me by Jan I'll prob have to email uncle kwang meng in HK or jeffrey in NY. To be honest I'd much rather go to citi HK or credit suisse NY because it would be alot more exciting, but I've got to take this last internship like my job interview, and chances are I'd rather work here over hk or ny.

I'm thinking even if it doesn't fall through, it would be nice if I just had some time to travel and maybe do some relief work in Africa. Ever since watching that Angelina Jolie documentary I realised that something so basic as food and water is so scarce in other parts of the world.

This term has been so draggy because I didn't have much to look forward to. But next term will be alot better because I am just looking forward to the end of it ha. The irony.

I seriously can't wait for the exams to end because:

1) its hard to be surfing for gadgets online and reading notes at the same time
2) we're going to Japan!
3) I need a new wardobe. And at the rate I'm going I'm going to literally need another one.
4) I need to catch up on my harvard finance lessons
5) I want to do that financial statements course with INSEAD
6) I am drinking too much red bull
7) my mac is getting gross but I have no time to clean it
8) I am sick of school and it means I'm one step closer to starting my internships
9) David is coming home
10) I need to jump start my exercise routine
11) Balancing youtube, studying, sleeping, msning and stoning is seriously a drag

Shack like shit.

Yesterday went to the kitchen to make my daily instant noodles. Dried them using the strainer till Mr Cockroach decided it was showtime and crawled from underneath the strainer to say hello while I was holding it. Of course the strainer went flying into the sink and so did my idea of having supper. My kitchen is like fucking jumanji. Tomorrow I expect to find a Hyena in my noodle cupboard.

Been having Thaiexpress 3 days in a row which would make it a turkey by today. I just got the orange card so that means I get 20% off when I eat there. The food is really nice. I swear on my life that the basil beef rice, yellow chicken curry and the honey chicken rice is damn good.

I bought a nice shirt from Fox today. I hate Fox usually because I feel like some of the clothes are malaysia quality. I need new clothes. Will shop after the exams. Mikey finished his A levels. Yay. I bought him a watch with a space invaders spaceship on it because it looks quite kanye / pharrel. Our taste is very similar except Mike's is more US and mine is more Euro.

I can't wait for the exams to be over. I've had a lonnnng 2007. Can't wait to go Osaka! I've #@$%ing worked my ass off this year and I deserve a timeout.

I had nothing to do on Friday so I called up Uncle Leslie's plastic surgery clinic to make an appointment with him to check out this pigmentation on my lip and a injection bump that I've had since I was a baby. I asked how much was the consultation. "Oh it's $150 for the first 20 mins," came the friendly reply from the receptionist. A hundred and fucking fifty what? Oh well.

So I went to see Uncle Les and saw all the dozen certificates of surgery he framed on the wall, next to the botox brochures and facelift files. When it was my turn he gave a surprised "What are you doing here?". I was like, "You need to help me out!". I said, "Ok so how much is it going to cost me?" He said normally he charges $4000 WTF but he'd do it free of charge. I was like, "Wait what do you mean?" He said we could pay in installments of ice cream. So I walked out with an appointment for 3rd of Dec and feeling quite lucky and grateful. THANKS UNCLE LES. I told mom and she said it reminded her of the time uncle ngoi did auntie vera's cancer surgery for free. It may be just a few hours of their time but it is still very kind of them.

Today was another weird medical / health day because i got a bad stomach ache all day. It's like someone kicked be in the b@!!$ seriously. I checked webmd.com and they say I have an STD or mumps. Didn't we get vaccinated against mumps?

When things go wrong. When the world is crazy. When there is too much anger. When there is too much hate.

Then there is only one thing that remains that really matters.

It is the thing that binds friends together.

The stuff that families are made of.

Or the bond that is shared between loved ones.

It is easy to forget.

And sadly we only remember it in difficult times.

But it is in difficult times that we see more clearly.

What is important and what isn't.

In just one year I've seen so many things.

All grown up now but never jaded.

Just wiser. More positive. More grateful.

Appreciative of whatever I have left.

Cherishing each moment.

Ready to defend what i believe in.

Ready to drop the world in a heartbeat.

For the only thing that means everything.

For the only thing that means anything.

After hearing Emmy Rossum's movie version of "Think of Me" from the Phantom of The Opera I went to search for the original Sarah Brightman version. Yikes all I can say is Sarah is the tops of the pops. Her vocals are amazing. I'm supposed to be finishing my sociology paper but I did a quick recording of the song, trying not to butcher it as much as possible. It's been some time since I sang a classical style song.

Think of Me - Ian

We always talk about doing a job we love or pursuing a passion or setting up our own business. I wish life were that simple. We forget that there are people we need to support. People who are going to fall ill. People who need our help. And more often than not these people are family.

My god sometimes I talk to my grandma and it's emo fest. She's not had an easy life. My grandfather died early. She's been sick before. And recently there's alot on her mind about my aunt who's got diabetes. Life is not perfect, and as I grow up I am learning you have to deal with it, otherwise it's going to deal with you.

Money isn't everything. But when you have to pay medical bills, rent, utilities and more, you begin to realize that there are some things that money can buy.

The truth is I hate to worry about money. It's like life is already so complicated, I don't want to have to worry about something as stupid as money. Maybe that's why it's important for me to get a good job. So I can just concentrate on working hard and doing my thing rather than how I'm going to make ends meet. I may not prefer doing a better paid job. But it may mean that me and family get to live easier. And that's real happiness.

My family has never been poor but even so I never take anything I have for granted. The biggest lesson that my grandma taught me is, "study hard. if you study hard we'll all get a big house to live in." And that house has to fit everyone I love.

I got an email from my sociology prof saying my paper looks promising! I'm quite happy really. I was SO struggling with coming up with a theory:



So there is is!! It's ok if you dunno wtf it means cuz sometimes I'm not really sure. But it's basically how power is perceived and influences decision making in the realm of international politics. Yeah it's abit wtf, but if it wasn't wtf we wouldn't call it social science.

In other oh so unexciting social science news my political science paper abstract came back and my prof said its potentially v interesting. Yaysish. I'm quite happy because Toby is my favorite prof this term and I'll be taking pol sci under him. Lionel and Norainee got the same grade as me for this so I'm happy for them.

After weeks of average grades I'm glad that my grades are picking up. LAST BURST OF FIRE.

Just finished my last presentation. International Econs. Was really good. Our project was on the subprime situation. The prof looked happy so that's the most important thing. My groupmates were really fun and I'm glad to have Shivika, Martina, Salman, Anriban and Gabe in my group. No way we could have been a better team. I really enjoy projectwork, especially if everyone has something to bring to the table. And in this case it was true. Last term Shivika was in my accounting class and she is so bright. So at the end of econs class I asked her to form a group with gabe and gang. I'm glad things turned out well. I think this has been my best project group so far. OK EXCEPT MARKETING HAHA.

Mom is back after heading to Las Vegas to see Dave, Toronto to see Sih-Ee, and I can't remember where for Auntie Grace's son's wedding. It's good to have her home. Especially now that our supply of instant noodles will not run out every few days and the fridge will be occasionally stocked with Florida's Natural. Sitting around the dining table at 1am and watching her explain her past 3 weeks in the US to us and Bap, I felt very lucky to have a family like ours.

Bumped into Naf today. OMG haven't seen her in like since summer started. She invited me for her wedding but I couldnt make it. The story goes she met a guitarist from the crazily popular european band called The Rasmus after their their concert, and to make a long story short, she's got a rock star husband. We said we'll meet up after exams. I can't wait to see what her husband is like. I better go d/l the songs just for reference. He's moved here and they've got a new flat coming up. He's venturing into music producing so maybe I'll hook him up with Uncle Keng Long because he's only like the biggest music producer ever here. Not say abit the 98.7 meets 93.3.

HAHA omg was thinking about babysitting norainee's baby while she was presenting in class. DAMN CUTE. Damn funny. Prof Toby was very nice about letting her bring Ameer to class. It was damn funny cuz Ameer bear would make noise unless someone rocked him. So I had to like carry him for half an hour while the presentation was going on. I swear I dunno how angelina jolie slings around her babies like a bloody gibbon cuz I was so shack after that. Haha omg and he loves seeing cars so I had to let him look at the traffic from the windows. It was so fun until I heard like a POOT noise twice and something started to smell like a dead carcass. Ok it wasn't so bad. Babies have that wierd baby poop smell. ARGH haha omg Ameer was damn cute. OMG I hate it when Norainee grabs Ameer's hands and goes "UNCLE IAN! UNCLE IAN!" hahahaha. I swear this mommy is the baby. Shit we're getting old.

Eric came over last week and we played guitars heroes 3 like mad. So I was thinking why not learn the real thing? So yesterday I went to peninsula plaza and bras basah to look for an electric guitar. Unfortunately the shops were closing so I didn't have time to pick one. Do you know for $180 you can get a guitar and an amp? WTF

So I borrowed Uncle Eug's hugeass Epiphone solid wood electric which came with a hugeass amp to go along with it. Thanks to youtube and other wierd internet marvels, I learned 3 chords. KNN it's not easy seriously. My fingers are chuided and on the verge of turning blue black.

PERSEVEREEEEEEE. I don't know if I spelt that correctly.

URGH I was walking to the kitchen to make my daily supper of instant noodles. So then I turned on the light and as usual, 3 lizards on different areas of the kitchen quickly dash out of sight. So then I head towards the noodle drawer when suddenly I felt something wet and squirmy wriggling under my foot. OMFG WTF IS THAT???!!! Turns out it was a #$%&ing lizard!! URGHHHH the poor thing must have been a teenage lizard cuz it wasn't big or small. And although it was still alive and in one piece I squeezed the bejesus out of it and it was motionless but breathing. BLEAAGHH At first I didn't realise the puddle of juice was from the lizard but then after it evaporated so quickly then I realised it was definately lizard lava. ARGHHHHHH. After that I totally didn't feel like eating noodles. PUKE. I'm sorry but WTF were you doing on the floor?! So thanks to Mr Lizard I'm not taking my daily MSG dose and I won't be eating instant noodles for a week in loving memory.

Ok at least its not as bad as the time i killed a cockcroach, forgot I killed it after an hour of ally mcbeal, and then stepped on the bubblegummy goodness. Moral of the story is be grateful you weren't born a pest.

I am not a full believer.

But if there is a God. I am grateful to him for my family and friends.

The people that can share my joy. The people that share my pain.

How else can you describe this? Maybe one word. Love.

What else in this world really matters? Nothing. Maybe except God himself.

I will figure that one out.

But for now I am just grateful.

And I say a prayer for that.

Tomorrow I'll visit Kai's family if I can after school. It's a twist of fate that he passed away a few days from his Birthday. I can imagine auntie seok yong and uncle chee chiang will be pretty down this period. Recently I've been thinking about Kai. The chengs used to drop off food or stop by to say hello sometimes, but not recently. I guess I haven't heard from them in awhile. It will probably open up old wounds. But I think we all miss Kai. By sticking together we keep that piece of him inside us alive.

On a happier note tomorrow Norainee is bring her son to class because her parents are unwell so they can't look after him. YAY! I am the designated nanny for tomorrow because she has to do a presentation in class, and I have exclusive rights to Ameer while she is busy. My god I love kids. I swear even if I had one now I'd be a good dad. I'd take him out every saturday just like bap used to take us out. I'd be good at reading, and I'd make make him watch spongebob with me.

Sometimes I wonder how the $#%& did my parents do such a good job. If they had an appraisal I'd give them full marks. My only gripe is that we never had soft drinks in the house when we were kids and they limited us to one ice cream a day. We always hold that against them haha. But other than that, I just don't know how they did it. I think I set the precedent as the elder brother by never letting them nag. OMG the times I had literally debates with my mom. Somehow we could always have a very rational debate. We were like the epitomy of ACJC VS RJ debate team. On the other hand, me and my dad would argue like ACJC VS RJ rugby team.

But I think at the end of the day I realized that my parents always gave me space, and they knew I could make decisions on my own. And that's why we have alot of respect for each other. Yknow if they were my age and I had never known them before, I think we could be friends. Ok. Weird.

Tough being a parent. But I'll be the first to sign up when the time comes.

Went jogging today for the second time in ages. Felt good. It just takes me 3 workouts to get me back in shape but somehow I feel tired or fall sick and then my routine gets screwed.

Uncle Norm got back to me and asked me to send my resume. He said it's going to be Sep/Oct:Toronto and Nov/Dec:Singapore because it will be too cold for me in the winter. I am so excited. I just hope I can do a good job. I'm really really looking forward to this. Thanks uncle norm!

Already, next year looks like a really busy year unfortunately. I'll be working 8 out of the 12 months at citi, o&m and templeton. Only citi is still in limbo so maybe it would be a good thing if I did volunteer work. Or took a break. Or not. Or maybe see if I can work for Jeffrey in NY. Whatever it is I just don't want to waste any time. It's like there's so much to do. I wish we had more time.

Just went for supper at newts with mike and baps. Nothing much else today. Just had my harvard finance lessons online and finished some internship applications. I think I must have sent out 30 cover letters since I came to SMU. I must say they look much better than they started. I mean 2.5 years ago I really had nothing to show for. It's really amazing what time can do.

I decided to take the Franklin Templeton offer. I think because I was more excited about working in Toronto and doing fund management than going to Cornell. I'm really sad I don't get to go to Cornell now, but I think it's abit too expensive. So my last 3 terms kinda looks like this now:

summer: citi/O&M
year 4 term 1: Templeton (2 months sg, 2 months toronto)
Year 4 term 2: stay in sg (GROSS)

Without Templeton I could have graduated 4 months ealier, but I don't think I can pass up the chance. I only get one shot to try everything before I graduate and I want to make sure I've made the right choice. Anyways Canada is a beautiful country to live in, and if I work at Templeton for 2 months here and there, I might have a chance to live in Toronto after I graduate. Jols, Weiyi and Serene are thinking of going there on exchange the same time I'm there so I hope we get to meet up.

Canada is a great place to live because the people aren't rude and in your face like the Americans. They're very civilized like the Europeans, except more tolerant to other races. You know just thinking of Vancouver makes me happy. Both Vancouver and Toronto are ranked very highly on a table of countries with the best quality of life. It will be nice to go back. Me and Weiyi talk about going back all the time.

Nothing is confirmed until I sign my contract and get on the plane so I'm trying not to think about it yet. I'm just grateful I've worked my ass off the last 2 years so I don't have to worry about all the nitty gritties anymore. A few months ago I'd be stressing out about the details and "OMG am I going to do this or that when I graduate?". Haha it's weird just reading how I got so worked up. But heck that, time to relax, keep doing my thing, and watch how things unfold.

Long day. Was in school from 11-10pm to do econs. Then supper with the Specs at Holland V. Bumped into one of the Citibank relationship managers from Khazakstan there.

Auntie Seok Yong smsed me today to say the family is going up to KL this weekend. I suppose since mom went away she's been on "standby" just in case we needed anything.

It's Kai's birthday. Which means it's about a year since he passed away. Time flies. I feel alot more grown up in the last year. I don't think feel like a kid anymore. Definitely not jaded. Just a little more weathered. Wiser. More determined. Less uptight (probably not, ok maybe less). Slightly more opinionated. Alot more balanced.

Kai, I don't think we are going to forget you anytime soon. When I think of you I remember the ACS i version. The good old pole vaulting days. I lent ky my running spikes today and immediately I thought of the good times. Those were really good times yeah?

On one hand I'm sentimental about the good times. But most of me is just ready to embrace "now", to make the present count. To cherish my family and friends now. To keep trying my best and looking ahead.

Mom just called from Canada because she's visiting her sis and soon she's off to visit Dave in LV. She said Uncle Norm is at the Franklin Templeton HQ in San Fran so if I want to do an internship with them I have to e-mail her back by today. MY god there's no time seriously. With 2 papers due and 2 mid terms next week I don't have much time to think about this. As it is I planned a back to back citi and O&M summer so there's no time there. And after that it's Cornell hopefully. I have to cancel something.

The thing about the Templeton internship is that they will give me 2 months in sg and fly me to the Canadian head office (Toronto) for another 2 months. Chances are if I postpone this shit I don't know if I will get the chance again. Now or never. However, if I take it, I'll have to graduate with everyone else instead of graduating earlier. And bye bye Cornell. And I was really looking forward to that.

so it's down to:

summer: citi/O&M
year 4 term 1: Cornell
Year 4 term 2: Templeton (if the offer still stands)
or
summer: citi/O&M
year 4 term 1: Templeton
Year 4 term 2: stay in sg (GROSS)
or
summer: templeton/O&M
year 4 term 1: Cornell
Year 4 term 2: Citi (if they remember my face by then)

In short I think no matter what choice I make I'm still going to feel abit sick for giving up something.

Tomorrow there's this Cornell talk on. SMU established some partnership with them so apparently we can go on exchange there. And even more importantly, get a chance to transfer there. All those feelings about transferring university again. Sometimes I think why the hell did I stay in SMU when I could have used my SAT scores to get into a good school in the states. But then there's no way I would have done all the things I've done here. Here I've milked my opportunities dry. I've learnt alot about myself.

I was watching that video about poverty and I thought it would really be fulfilling to do humanitarian work. And then I thought about Cornell. I had a brangelina moment where I thought maybe I could transfer and do political science there. And after that work for the UN in Africa. Not a serious thought. But one of those "what if" moments. If life was just about me maybe I'd risk something like that. But obviously we have a responsibility to family. So we give up helping others to help our own. I suppose its a choice most of us make.

Oh well I hope the talk is good news. I hope they don't pick people based on GPA again. Understandably it's because it's Cornell. But GPA doesn't really mean much if your life skills are zilch and that's not going to make Cornell any easier. Yeah I'm bitter. Please you goddamn beurocratic bitches, just accept my B+ average. I promise I'll make Cornell more happs. Corns I mean.

Tomorrow there's this Cornell talk on. SMU established some partnership with them so apparently we can go on exchange there. And even more importantly, get a chance to transfer there. All those feelings about transferring university again. Sometimes I think why the hell did I stay in SMU when I could have used my SAT scores to get into a good school in the states. But then there's no way I would have done all the things I've done here. Here I've milked my opportunities dry. I've learnt alot about myself.

I was watching that video about poverty and I thought it would really be fulfilling to do humanitarian work. And then I thought about Cornell. I had a brangelina moment where I thought maybe I could transfer and do political science there. And after that work for the UN in Africa. Not a serious thought. But one of those "what if" moments. If life was just about me maybe I'd risk something like that. But obviously we have a responsibility to family. So we give up helping others to help our own. I suppose its a choice most of us make.

Oh well I hope the talk is good news. I hope they don't pick people based on GPA again. Understandably it's because it's Cornell. But GPA doesn't really mean much if your people skills are zilch and that's not going to make Cornell any easier.

I was watching stuff on the MTV website when I saw the link to the Angelina Jolie video. It showed her in Africa in some poor parts of the country and it's almost embarrassing to watch them live like that. While we are worrying about crystal jade or din tai fung, millions of people die from having nothing to eat.

When I was in Primary school I made a class newspaper called Go Green! which was about the preservation of nature. Back then I thought I would be a biologist and live in Africa. I wanted to save the world. I was an idealist. How things have changed.

It's not that we don't care for people, but we're so caught up in the game of our own lives that we forget that there is another reality out there. It makes you sad to see people living like this. But it's hard to pull ourselves out of the context of our little cubby hole in Singapore and see that life is not good for everyone.

Part of me has always been the bohemian, idealistic, humanitarian person, but is it too late to reclaim what's left? Please visit the links below and you can decide for yourself how you feel about these issues.

http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1509772&vid=61385

http://www.poverty.com/

Norainee's a mom. Naf is getting married on mon. Cheryl is talking about saving for a car and stuff. My god we're getting old.

I think very soon we have to realise that we have to carry more responsibilities on our shoulders, and the choices we make don't just affect us.

Gabe said I'd be happier doing something other than banking. I agree. I'd love to be an artist. Or a singer. Or a chef. Or a designer. Or maybe just a bum. Ok cancel last. But a job means alot more to me than just having fun. It's something that pays the bills. It's stability. It's also the frivolous things like prestige and status. But more importantly it's something that will let me take care of my family.

Anyone can get an average job and live an average life. I could live with that myself. Personally I am easily contented. But I don't want that for my family.

When my dad had a heart attack it's like we had to worry if we could keep the house and pay the bills. Even before that I remember we had to be so careful with our money during the recession years. Those days seemed like a different lifetime. And I never want that for my family. I never want to be in the position where I can't pay for someone's medical bills, or education. The thing about life is you can never be sure.

Gabe said he read an article about fathers making excuses for overworking, saying that they wanted to provide for their family. I think it's good he brought it up because that's a reality. I just feel sorry for these guys. If it's really just an excuse, then they must feel terrible lying to themselves. These things happen. But only if you let them. When I saw my boss from Citibank with his family, all well taken care of and still close to their dad. I knew it was possible. You didn't have to sacrifice family for success. This was how I wanted my life to be.

I think alot of people think certain jobs will suck the life out of you. But only if you let them. Watching my mom run 4 restaurants and still have time to take care of 3 kids and keep in touch with friends, I've seen that it's possible to juggle. That's why in my life I've always put people as my top priority, whether friends or family. And I don't ever fear I will lose sight of what I believe in.

Just watching friends in school, sometimes they get so busy they don't make time for their girlfriends or friends you would not believe. But then I remember that everybody has different priorities for life. And its important not to follow people when it comes to setting your priorities. Everyone should have their own set of goals, and stick to them no matter what.

I think if we limit ourselves we're only shortchanging ourselves and our family. No one gets the balance perfect, but you just have to always remember what you're fighting for, and be willing to give your best right from the start. I won't change the world. I can't make it a better place. I don't think I have enough power. But whatever it is, I'm going to make sure my family can enjoy life. And that's enough to make me happier than anyone.

Things have come to a crawl this week. Nothing much going on. Just ended the one week break. Did absolutely nothing useful. Should have taken a few says to go to HK.

Was woken up by a call this afternoon. Singtel. Shouting match round 16. I told the mofos 3 months subscription wasn't going to cut it. But I was no pissed off I decided to take $50 worth of call credit to make them shut up. I told them that wasn't the last they're going to hear of this because I still wasn't happy. To be honest, $50 is enough for my grandma to use for like forever, but what about the maids and banglas who get tricked everyday into buying Singtel/starhub/M1's plans? What happens to them.

This term has passed by so fast. It's the middle of the term already. This is probably the most un-fun term ever. I can't honestly say I'm doing anything great or fun this term. Ok except for the art auction and the finance course with harvard. I've hardly seen my best pals around. School is no fun without your pals. And alot of them have been missing this term. Part of me is pissed off people can be so busy they forget whats important. This isn't even fucking work yet. I mean honestly it wouldn't hurt to make a little time.

When Alfian and Kai passed away I was thinking. Life is so short. We better treasure everything and everyone. I suppose its not fair for me to expect people to feel the same way. I was supposed to visit Kai's family, and I can't believe its almost been a year already. Time passes doesn't it. I suppose this has been a big year of changes.

I know who I got my genes from. A few weeks ago my mom was saying my dad was quite upset that one of his best friends just all of a sudden stopped hanging out with their clique just because he moved to another church. This didn't sound like bap. "Oh yeah bah's always has expectations of his friends because he always makes the effort. He's all about the principles." Surprise surprise.

Part of me would have been pissed off if you asked me how I felt about this a year ago. But now I'm just so sick of bothering. The biggest reason why I stopped floorball was so I could spend more time with my friends and family and school. And I've come to realise not everyone has the same priorities. But I think its fair to make at least some time for the people who are closest to you.

When school ends. When there's no more class or projects or cca's or events or exams or whatever. Then what seriously? All thats really left is your damn friends. The real ones who didn't forget you in all the shit that was going on.

Ok so my article made it to the online edition of the Straits Times forum but wth. Online edition? Who reads that knnccb. And they gave my article a snip and trim.

http://www.straitstimes.com/ST%2BForum/Online%2BStory/STIStory_165733.html


Did you know you have to join CASE for a fee before you lodge a complaint? Who the fuck do they think they are?

http://www.case.org.sg/complaint.plx


I better not get into politics otherwise I'd just fire the whole of Singapore.

Yknow just when I thought I was getting over the craziness of summer, I saw the openings for Citibank internships for NEXT summer posted up on ontrac. WTH. They're even more onz about internships than me. Abit the out of hand seriously.

Since work ended I haven't escaped the clutches of Citi. I met up with my colleagues for lunch last week. Went for the citi talk a few weeks back. Bumped into my aunt from citi recently. Had dinner with 2 of my jc classmates in citi. It's been haunting me.

Spent the night writing my cover letter and resume. Like WTH right? it's not even 2008. But HR asked me to send it to them so they could fwd it to the right departments. I'm honestly abit annoyed I have to deal with this now. But I have no choice because the openings are coming. URGH. I hope they don't drag this.

Writing my cover letter, I realise that beyond the corporate propaganda that I was spewing at the citi career talk, I was really proud of the work we do at Citi. I read the cover letter I wrote, and it sounded like the best one I had written because it really came from my heart.

This is a big deal for me because I will probably be working for citi if I go into banking after graduation.

My parents are quite pumped up for the fact that I've got my foot in the door. "That takes a burden off us!" my mom said. But with the subprime mess unravelling who knows when the door is going to slam on my foot.

Recently I've been feeling like alot of change has been going on inside me. Especially after the craziness (busyness) of summer, I've had alot of time to just take things easy and figure things out abit. And it's been a good kind of change.

I've had time to re-evaluate my life, take stock, and iron out all the things that have been holding me back. It's been a great time for me to remember what's really important to me. Now it's just down to a few more things in the recycling bin before it's emptying time.

I don't know why I've been feeling alot of change recently. A strong and positive feeling about life. Maybe I just watched The Hills too much. Or maybe it was just about time I had a new lease on life.

"Mr Suren, 1 months subscription is not going to do anything for me. I'm still going to have to pay over a hundred dollars a year if I'm charged for incoming calls."

"I understand Mr Kwok, but we cannot waive the incoming charges. Otherwise we'll have to change the system. How about 3 months then?"

"Over the last 3 days I've wasted alot of time on the phone with Singtel, and it's taken alot of effort on my part to speak to 3 different lawyers about this matter. I don't want to make this a public matter, but you're going to have to come up with something better."

"Ok Mr Kwok I would like to solve this problem as soon as possible for you. How do you think we can help you? What do you suggest?"

"I don't want to spend more time on this matter and be calculating compensation. I believe you are a reasonable person. I have spent a great deal of time over this matter, and I believe you can come up with something reasonable. You think about it, and you give me a call by next week when you have come up with something."

I had a great day today. Watched "Balls of Fury" with Lionel after class and just had time to chit chat, walk about and have some fun. OMG we laughed so loud. Lionel has been a good friend of mine since we knew each other for 2 days of training at PWC. Just getting to know him as a good friend was worth 2 months of auditing. He starts work at Shell in dec so that should be great fun, however, that will mean I'm going to miss his company.

After that I went for Uncle Yeo's 80th birthday. What a special occassion. We were invited to Tower Club for a dinner with some of his closest friends. Many of his kids and friends gave really touching speeches about him. He has worked so hard to make sure all 4 of his kids can grow up without worrying about being provided for. And now they are all successful. What a legacy. And I only hope one day my family can same thing about me.

Dinner was great. Nat doesn't eat fois gras so I had 2 huge pieces. Lots of champagne. Excellent company with good old friends. I'm so happy for John. He made it to berkeley school of music. Sean is also doing great at business school. Nat and Jean are also in medicine. Alex is also having fun in Australia. It's so funny because I've always seen them like my younger siblings and now they're all grown up.

Auntie Bin was there. There's something about her that's extremely special. Like when she talks to you it feels as though nothing else in the universe matters. She recommended me for PWC so I'm very grateful. Felt nice to see her since I left pdubs.

Talked to Uncle Tongel about my Singtel incident over dinner as well. He's a lawyer so he would know. He said it was a case of fraud and misrepresentation. I spoke to my professor who is also a lawyer and he said the same thing. I will call Evelyn's mom (another excellent lawyer) just to make sure I am sure I am correct. Uncle Tongel was like, "Isn't your mom's old friend the Singtel no.2 guy? why don't you just email him instead." Oh. Good advice uncle tonge.

Growing up, and knowing all these aunties and uncles since yonks, you tend to take it for granted that they are all really very special individuals, all very dear friends. As I looked around, I realised how exceptional all these parents were. Hardworking, capable and loving people who have done all the best for their kids, who have made it in life, and who have kept their best friends. I just hope I can be anything like these very exceptional people, these people who I am grateful for as friends.

don't fuck with a kwok

-----Original Message-----
From: Ian KWOK Zhen Ting
Sent: Wed 10/3/2007 10:07 PM
To: Austin I PULLE
Subject: hi prof


Dear Prof,

I apologise for having to walk in and out of class several times today. This came from a dispute that I had to settle with Singtel, which brings me to the reason I am writing to you. Unfortunately this is beyond the scope of The Ethicist, and I have to consult you for your ethical and legal knowledge.

This story arose from the fact that I bought a new handphone for my grandmother to use. Before class, I decided to buy a Singtel mobile prepaid Hi card for my grandmother as it was a cheaper alternative to subscribing to a plan. My grandmother doesn't use the phone often so it's more to use in case of emergency.

The card wrote "Free Incoming Calls" and I thought how nice. I would get to make some savings on her incoming calls that way. But after using it for awhile I realised I was being charged for the calls. I checked the booklet that came with the card, and lo and behold, I saw the words "*terms and conditions apply" on the card, and in the booklet was the terms.

The terms stated that the "free incoming calls" were free if I paid a $0.60 subscription daily. Very upset, I immediately called Singtel to voice my displeasure with their terms. Most of their replies started with, "Oh but you didn't read the terms..", and most of my replies ended with 'I guess you cannot help me. I would like to speak to your boss."

After they played human ping pong with me 6 times, I was finally bounced to the head of the hi card department who said that she would look into the advertising and marketing regarding the wording, but there was nothing she could do except offer me a ridiculous $8 rebate. I told her this would not solve my problem of still having to pay the recurring charge. I have told them that they will have to solve my problem or else I will make this a public issue with case and the newspapers for their PR department to contend with. Alot of people are affected as well. I was just short of explaining to them what a rule utilitarian framework was.


Several points in contention:

1. yes it did state terms and conditions, but they were only laid out inside a booklet that was sealed with the hi card, which means we wouldn't have access to it. you can see the words "free incoming calls" from the outside nice and clear, but you have to open the packaging to read the terms.

2. it is fair for them to have terms and conditions, eg. "spend $20 and have free incoming calls", "subscribe to roaming and get free incoming calls", but it is not correct for them to make me pay a daily subscription specifically for the incoming calls because then they cannot be considered free by logic. Otherwise one could say "free mercedes SLK *oh but a monthly charge of $10,000 for it". One cannot pay specifically for something that is free.

3. they could have stated "unlimited incoming calls" with terms and conditions, instead of using the word "free" which necessarily means you should not be paying for it. If it is free by other terms such as a minimum usage/spending amount then it is ok because you are not paying for something which is supposed to be "free".



I believe it wasn't smart of me not to look at the booklet beforehand, but it wasn't readily available, and even if the terms were clearly stated, the definition of "free" was abused in this case. The funny thing was I told my maid about it and she was duped as well along with many of her friends. The foreign workers are the ones who really suffer from the way in which these pre paid cards are being advertised because they are the ones who use them. The worst part is that they are the ones who are most unlikely to lodge a complaint or make this a real issue. This poses a real problem because there are other service providers doing the same thing.

Even the people at Singtel agree they will have to have a look into their marketing. Free things with fine print is annoying enough, we don't need the big companies telling us that we have to pay for what is free. This is beyond what is legal or not, because it's just fundamentally wrong to charge people what they're not supposed to pay for. Singtel will be calling me back tomorrow.

Well just hope to hear your honest opinion. Thanks. I am honestly grateful for all your lessons, and unfortunately the staff at Singtel will have to face the consequences of ethics 101.


Best regards,

Ian

Felt like puking on the bus home today. Almost passed out walking home. Was in school the whole day to do my readings. Maybe it was just cuz I didn't have a proper lunch today. Whatever it is, just feeling really tired. Need a break. A long one. Unfortunately I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon. School is such a pain sometimes.

"Sian," I said to Serene. Just one of many "sians" we give each other. Where are my best friends when I need them. Sometimes I wonder who can you really count on. Just because you do your best doesn't mean that people are going to put in the same effort as you. The people that have never let me down are family. I owe it to them.

Been meaning to buy my grandma a handphone. But it will have to wait till Thursday. Just haven't had the time. I hope I can find one with big buttons on them so it's easier for her to press.

I wonder why people use facebook so much? It's not a very good substitute for company. And more often than not the people who are on it the most are the ones who hardly have time for their friends.

I got an ernie keychain today. Reminds me of my childhood. The sesame street days. I used to laugh like Ernie until my mom made me change my laugh. Not joking.

I'm on a msn sabbatical. Sam if you're reading e-mail me at ian.kwok.2005@socsc.smu.edu.sg

Time for bed.

Today I attended my first 2 finance classes with harvard and it's been interesting. The prof is engaging and subtly funny. They are recorded from the real on-campus classes and they are posted within 48 hours of the class.

Attended a TA session online on Wed morning (while I was actually supposed to be paying attention to my real-life econs class). Really just goes to show what technology can do for you. Behavioural finance is also part of the module so that's really interesting, especially for me as a psychologist because investor psychology is a new hot topic in finance.

I'm getting a real kick out of this because I can watch my lectures over lunch or anytime I'm free. The powerpoints are also synchronized with the videos so you can see exactly what the prof is showing. I'm really glad I signed up for this and I think I may do more modules like this in future if I can. Here's a streaming clip:


week 2 class

Q: How do you know that God exists by rational / scientific means?

A: How do you know how rain or space or the sun really came about? Science can't tell us that.

Q: Ok but wait we experience them through our senses and there is a large amount of things we do know about them. And btw you can't answer a question by saying that everything else doesn't really have an explanation either so its justifiable.

A: But if science can't explain how certain things come about, its clear that it's not a perfect method to understanding the world around us.

Q: You're right but we're humans, we can't be expected to be perfect, and science is the way we understand most of our world. So why does God not tell explain to us in our own terms?

A: That's faith. How else do you believe that everything around you is real although science does not explain them?

Q: But that's information liquidpaper. Do you mean to say we should fill in the loops in our beliefs by faith? The things around us we experience through our senses, so even though we don't have a clue how they come about, we know they do exist.

A: Which brings us back to our original discussion. You don't understand them fully but you still believe in them.

Q: Yes, but as I said, we experience them through our senses. We know alot more about soil, and trees, and kanye west than we know about God.

A: There are some things that are beyond our understanding.

Q: I just don't see why he can't explain things to us in our own terms. It's not our fault we're abit more dense. Assuming he made us, he knows we have limitations to our understanding of him. Why should he expect us to believe him?

A: Well God doesn't give us all the info cuz we're supposed to find it for ourselves. Otherwise where is the free choice and real belief?

Q: But if we're not capable of understanding him fully, beyond our human scientific understanding, how does he expect us to really believe him fully? It's like a father expecting his mentally disabled child to fully make sense of the world around him.

A: But that's faith.

Q: Ok but wait let's go back to Adam. Why did God allow Adam to screw up fully aware of the fact that he was going to sin?

A: It was Adam's choice to eat the apple.

Q: God made him imperfect. If Adam was perfect he wouldn't have screwed up.

A: I hate apples.

Today I went to school in the evening to give a short speech during the citi career talk. Saw Jing Jing and Charlotte from HR and it was good to see them. The speech went well except for all the "urhs" in between. Gross. I swear it's a bad habit. One of the management associates spoke before me and he was the fakest piece of cardboard ever. The jokes were flatter than kiera knightley on atkins. Gees can't people be themselves?

I bumped into Sharon, one of the relationship managers from citi, a few days ago. Was good to see her. She looks well. After that I was reminded that I had to ask my boss Alfred for a testimonial letter as well. He emailed back with "oh my! sorry overlooked your previous email" reply that confirmed my suspicion that good ol alfred was actually just really too busy but he'd get it done. I don't blame him at all.

He said he has recommended me for the management associate program so that was really nice of him. I never felt like he was my boss but really a good friend. I think we hit it off really well. Alfred must be like 45 with 2 kids but I think deep inside is a silly AC boy ready to untuck his shirt and run wild. I am very grateful I met him. He had a real passion for the job and he has taken care of his family. 20 years down the road I hope I can turn out someway similar.

Wearing the shirt and tie for the first time in months, I was reminded that it did feel good to be back with the citi. I do miss my friends there. Next week I'm meeting Ivan and Kelvin for lunch. I miss tiebin and val and lung and sarah and oscar and eleen and assem and wendy and janet and even alfred haha. Good times. But I'll be back soon.

I didn't realise it then, but something strange happened after I spoke to Mr. Tham. As I walked out of the Ogilvy building suddenly my life made sense. His advice was to go and experience art and culture, and live life. I realised then that maybe part of me wasn't mad for wanting to do something creative and artistic. It was like I was waiting for someone to say "Ian, why don't you just go ahead and be you."

Part of me is rational, scientific and deliberate, but I've got a side that is free, artistic and abstract. For a good part of my life I've always thought someone can be one or the other. And most of the time I've rejected the image of myself as an artistic person, because art doesn't always have a place in the reality of society. And such it felt like it was the rebellious, unwanted side of my personality. But I left Mr Tham's office with the realisation that both of my sides of my personality are just as important. And I have to go and explore the limits of a side that I have hidden.

It's wierd isn't it? I must have been talking to him for maybe 10 minutes. But it's changed the way I look at myself. For so long, I've always denied myself the chance to fully explore my love for art. But now I think I've come to love the duality of my personality, something I've never fully embraced before. The artistic side of me is one half of the picture, and by embracing it I think I feel like a weight is being lifted off my shoulders. I feel alot happier. I've learnt to love who I am.

I heard the remake of the song "Hey Jude" by Joe Anderson and I thought about how the song is about embracing love and making the world a better place. The female character in the song isn't really a person, but a metaphor for love. And I think we all take a big step in making a world a better place by opening our hearts and mind. To love others, and to love ourselves.

If you're reading this I would like ask you to listen to the song, and hopefully you'll think about a part of yourself you've never accepted, and to embrace it with love.


Hey Jude - Joe Anderson

Today was a friendsday. Had class with the randoms and our same nonsense as usual. Lunch with the Alisters less Weims. Laughter and jokes galore. We are thinking of starting a club in school. One with minimal effort that we can do over lunch. Which kind of rules out just about everything.

Tris is leaving tonight. He got into med school in dublin so that's really amazing. So after school I went to ToysRus and got him a full doctor's set that comes in a neat suitcase. I also got him the surgery set and the bandage set just in case he wants to specialise in surgery and work in the ER. I swear I wanted to buy one for myself. The stethescope actually makes coughing noises when you press a button. Very well made. I was laughing when I saw it cuz I knew he'd love it. I almost got him a baby doll to practice on but he'll have tons of girls to practice on in the dorm.

I'm really happy for him. He's set for life. And he's doing something he really wants. Stopped over at his place and had time to chittish chattish and say goodbye. Kinda sad he's going just when we just got to hang out. Anyways I'll probably see him soon. I'm thinking of visiting a friend in London at the end of the year so maybe I'll swing by and say hi. Watching all of them grow up with David, they kind of feel like my younger brothers too. I'm just glad they're all on their way.

What is it about people that make them fail? I actually did a psych paper on this before. There is a large extent to which individual situations and family resources are a factor in determining success. But what about the rest of the variables?

Boudieu, a french sociologist, seems to suggest we internalize norms from family first, then society. This is called habitus. So for example, if you happened to come from a family which valued hard work and achievement, you'd have a good start. When you come into society, you are accepted as a generally hardworking person, and you internalize this label. This only makes you work harder.

However, if you've got a bad start, you come out into society labelled as below-par, and you internalize this title, which further plunges you into mediocrity.

So blame it entirely on the family? I don't think so. We internalize norms ourselves. So if we're stupid enough to believe we're shit, we'll be shit. It's self-fulfilling prophecy 101. We think "omg no way, no one is that stupid to think that."

But hey, there are tons of people who know they're failing and yet they still walk into the wall like they've given up. Don't they feel the pain?

Success is such an abstract word. We don't share the same defintion. We can't tell winners from losers. But a winner knows that they're a winner, and a failure knows inside they're a failure.

So the question is what is that extra something that winners have? and why do people still keep walking into the wall even when they know it?

It's 3am and I just sat for part of my Finance class. Ok so maybe I didn't go to class, but the classroom came to me.

Today I got home and got the envelope from Harvard saying I'm officially registered, and it reminded me to check the website for my first lesson. So I logged on and lo and behold, Wednesday's class had been recorded and was ready for streaming. It was funny watching the prof begin his lesson and say hi to all the other people who are doing this course by distance. He said this course will be alot more "real world" than the typical finance module, and I'm quite excited. I am so amazed I can learn at my own pace and without having to bother with timetables and class participation.

Shit I still haven't got my finance textbook. I hope I can find it in sg otherwise I'm abit screwed. Lots of work tomorrow. Time for bed.

I did this tonight as my first painting in a year or more. I love horses so much, and it was only natural that I would paint a horse. I love the colours so much because they really catch you immediately.

This painting is a self-portrait. I love nature alot so I decided to paint myself at one with my surroundings. Can you see a tree? You can see the neck and shoulders are the roots and earth, and my face is the leaves and branches. The blue represents the sky, and just like in real life you see patches of sky through the branches. On the top right of the picture is the sun, which pours through the leaves. I love this painting alot because I managed to capture my mood.

In my previous life I was an artist. Poor, bohemian, and smoking pot half of the time.

Sometimes this past-life persona creeps into present day, and I can go mad doing any kind of art. Painting, drawing, sewing, cutting, pasting, shading, mixing, moulding, writing and singing.

I was very inspired by the Art Auctions and also Mr Tham's advice to just go and experience things, so tonight I just went mad and did 2 paintings in watercolour. It came out like magic. I haven't touched a brush in a year, and I think these 2 pieces are my best works. I've matured alot this past year, and I find it's so amazing how it's transcended into my work.

If you're wondering what technique I'm using, I dunno wtf I did. It's my own wierd abstract style I came up with myself. I love it because it's so spontaneous, so utterly random and non-precise. In fact it's so bizarre I have very little control over how it turns out. It's like the damn things painted themselves.

I'm stuck in the libs now waiting for segaberic to finish ethics class. Skipped lessons today to finish reading my econs cuz I have a test tomorrow. Have alot of work to catch up on and tmrw is my first finance lesson with Harvard. School is probably going to get pretty busy soon but everything is good for now.

On a scale of 1-10 I think right now life is a good 8 or a 9. With all the exciting things that have been happening the last few months, I'm getting used to the slower pace of school again and it's manageable. With my internships mostly settled next year, I'm really on cruise control now. For once I really don't have to worry and fret, and just the thought of that is slightly unsettling.

I wish I could fast forward time. I feel like school is holding me back, but at the same time I know there's not much of a hurry. Sure I know there are some things in my life that are missing, but I am counting my blessings, and I am making the most of my lemons.

I counted my modules and I realised that I only have 8.5 mods left, which means I can probably graduate half a year earlier. I'm thinking of going on a long holiday after I graduate, do another internship, and start work early. I am excited just thinking about it. It will be the fucking biggest question mark of my life.

Haha no more fretting. No more panicking and wondering and stressing and worrying. Out the window. Whatever will be will be.

This weekend has been so mad. Sotheby's south east asian paintings auction was nuts. I slept at 3am on Saturday because we had to dismantle the set to make way for the auction stage. On Sunday we wore polo Ts with a blue Sotheby's apron on. Plus white gloves. Out job was to actually GO ON STAGE AND CARRY THE PAINTINGS WHILE THE AUCTION WAS TAKING PLACE. I could so imagine my friends laughing if hey saw me do this.

There was this painting estimated at $250,000, and unfortunately I had the honour to hold it. However, the bidding shot through the roof at increments of $10,000, and it just kept going and going until I swear I was shaking and my hand were cramping up. When the hammer went down at half a million dollars I was ready to just throw the painting at the auctioneer douche who had to repeat everything in 6 languages for the rich people of the world to hear.

The paintings were alot nicer in close up and I am so grateful for this opportunity because with the $300 I got for working, I can buy a new watercolour set, an oil painting set and a handphone for my grandma. There was an artist who was also born in '84 who had a painting selling for $15,000. And then I was thinking SHIT what am I doing in school seriously.

This morning I went to Mr Tham's office at Ogilvy and it was such a nice place. He was kinda busy so I had to wait at the plush lounge area for abit. He was a nice guy, friendly, opinionated and passionate about his job. he was like, "you need courage for the job. DO YOU HAVE COURAGE FOR THE JOB?!" I was like pause, and then I was like I HAVE THE COURAGE!! I felt like like there and then I could have taken out my red undies, wore them over my brown pants, and shouted SPARTTTTTTTAAAAAA.

He asked me what I knew about O&M and I told him I liked the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty. He was so passionate about that he could have been a walking Dove shower cream bottle. I thought that was cool because I feel just the same when I do something I am interested in.

I've always been interested in advertising and marketing because I don't have to think when it comes to anything creative or dealing with wordplay. It just comes. On top of that I get annoyed when things are out of alignment, jokes are not funny, and when words are wrong. Which is the A-type personality. The Advertising-type.

He was fun. He was fierce. In many ways it felt like I was talking to myself, but older. I said my mom says advertising is tough but I don't really care. He was like, "Don't listen to your parents! You have to go and do what you do!" YOU BET I HAVE TO GO AND DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO. He was like,"ok I want to see you next year for your internship, till then I want you to go and learn about art, about movies, travel, go and live! That's your homework." abso-fucking-lutely Mr Tham. Seeya next summer.

They hurt us bad. They let us down again and again. And yet when we say it's time we let go of such friends, we give in.

Why is it so hard to drop a bad friend? It's just one right.

If we rationalize it, we really don't need the trouble and the drama. We don't. But then why do we still give in?

We say we're much better off without such friends. "My life can do without _____ right now." And, yes, maybe we're better off. But what the hell explains it then.

It's annoying. I've told myself to stop making the effort. Taking the time. To shut off and shut out. But every now and then part of me is wondering if my friend is ok. A part of me that is always willing to forgive and forget. Like a door half open or half closed.

Maybe we're suckers for sentiment, we love the good times. Maybe we're creatures of habit, we like to spend time people we're used to.

Or maybe we're just human. Capable of forgiving and holding grudges at the same time. Capable of loving and hating. Capable of caring for someone no matter how bad things have been.

I used to believe that life was black and white. But where is the beauty if you can't see things in shades. And I suppose friendship is just one of those kind of drawings.

TIRED LIKE SHIT. Woke up at 630am and had morning class and rushed off for the auction exhibition set-up which was till 8pm.

Luckily I wore jeans cuz we were immediately thrust into manual labour with the setting up of the exhibition area. There were 150 or so paintings, many of which were so huge they couldn't fit in the lift, and we had to carry each one of them and mount them onto the hooks. Carrying things, attaching hooks, shifting boxes, pushing trolleys, adjusting lights. I felt like a construction worker. We were working alongside the movers and the contactors, and it was good fun.

Felt good to be doing something physical for a change. Empowering. Like brad pitt in cambodia. Less kids. And $10 an hour wasn't too bad in the name of art.

I am so tired. By Wed night I'm normally knocked out and so ready for the weekend. Went for a great dinner with gaberic as usual after ethics.

So my meeting at the ad agency was postponed last minute this morning, and I was really glad I got to sleep in longer today. I really wanted to go to the office and see their work, but it's been shifted to next Mon so that's pretty soon. Will be fun.

Tomorrow is a really long day. I have econs class in the morning, and after that I have to rush off to help out with the art auction in the afternoon. Tomorrow we're setting up for the exhibition viewing on Friday and Saturday, which means we have to movie 147 paintings which are worth an average of $20,000 each. I'm so not doing the math. I've always been interested in the luxury goods industry, and this will be something interesting.

It seems everyone has the xian bug in school. I noticed everyone is slowly beginning to only hang out with the friends that they're close to. I guess we've had 2 years of school already, and I think now everyone just wants to spend time with the people that appreciate their company the most. I think it's just natural that we're beginning to hang out with the people who we really care about and who really care for us. Well at least that's what's happening for me.

Next week my distance learning course with Harvard University is going to start. I didn't want to go for another class in school so I decided to do something different. I'll be taking Finance 101 classes through streaming videos. To think technology has allowed us to take classes where the lecturer is halfway around the world. I'm looking forward to it.

I was watching the hills (again) and Heidi got the events director job at Bolthouse. I think it's going to be fun for her. I think it's amazing when people get a job they really like.

Time for bed. I'm already hoping I don't drop any of the painings tomorrow.

Today was a good day. And like most of my good days there wasn't really anything much special about it. After the end of a long day I sat in front of my computer screen watching "The Hills", and for the first time since school started, I felt like I'd got my life back for sure.

After a rough week with late nights for the career talks and piling homework, taking the weekend off was the best thing for me. Today I managed to get out of bed to hit the library with anglish and ky. Managed to get a ton of readings done. Better still my mom's friend from Sotheby's Auction House gave me a call to tell me I can help out this weekend at the South East Asian paintings auctions. Awesome.

I shared the good news with my parents over prawn noodles when they picked me up for a quick lunch at beach road. Back to the library after. In the afternoon, Zabrina managed to get back to me about coming to Oglivy & Mather to see if I could get a job there next year.

Watching LC and gang mucking around the hills got me wondering why my life isn't as cool and exciting. But I've come to see that my life can be even more fun if I make things happen and sit back and take the time to watch things unfold.

Today I talked to my parents about not knowing what I want to do when I graduate and fretting about it. Bank or art or business or psychology? Lately it's all been a jumble in my mind and it just had to be released. It was then that my mom almost started laughing.

With all the career talks and shit, it was like all of a sudden I was getting sucked into the blackhole of careerdom and adultness and boringhood.

When my mom almost burst out laughing I realised the joke was on me. Her face had the look like "WTF are you worrying about son?"

She asked me why i was worrying when I've already done my best and everything I could possibly do to be on track.

For a second. I thought about it. And then I realised omfg. WTF am I doing? I'm just being OCD about this whole career thing. I've done everything humanly possible for an ian that could possible help ian get a job. Now it's time to get a life.

From this moment on. I swear I am going to heck the worrying, toss all the wussy pussy thoughts out the window, and just concentrate on doing everything I can to do my best, and to have a good time.

You pick any one of the kwok family and there's one thing we have in common, a love for food. Many years ago my grandfather started a restaurant that would become Singapore's oldest Hokkien restaurant. Years later my mom was running 4-5 restaurants / cafes. Today my dad runs Island Creamery. Every Sunday when we go for our family lunch we analyse and dissect the food we eat as if we're paid to do so. We just love our food to death.

This past week I've been going for all the bank talks. My god it's getting damn boring to the max. Some days I'm in school from 8.30 to 10pm in formal attire just to listen to a talk which doesn't enlighten or inspire. This, ironically, inspired me to think about my other career options.

After a long day of work I knocked out on my bed. The next morning, my grandma knocked on my room door and came in with a bowl of hot and crispy guo tie (pot stickers) dumplings that were out of this world. I said, "You have to teach me how to make this. Why don't you set up a stall?"

She was very happy to hear this but then she turned abit sad thinking about how she's become alot older. She said she didn't have the energy to do it, and my aunt's health wasn't very good either.

That moment I realised that maybe it might be a good idea to set up a stall myself. With my grandma's shanghainese recipes that go from drunken chicken to sweet and sour soup, I could easily assemble a menu. My grandma was really happy to hear this. Of course it's just toying with the idea, but after going for all those talks I've been thinking that maybe I don't really want to work for anyone. Besides, the ones who really make it big are the people who dare to take the biggest risks.

I'm definitely still thinking of banking as a safety, but won't it be exciting to do something different?

I've never wanted to set up my own business. It's just never been an idea I've entertained. But watching everyone slowly follow the leader has gotten me thinking maybe it's time to break away.

It is with great urghsness that I say that school has finally become boring. You heard it from the horses mouth. Mr I Love SMU has finally toned down on the Love part.

I seriously dunno what it is. I was so looking forward to school, and instead of a big bang, it's been a big BLAH. It's like all my classes are damn peesai to the max. Except ethics.

SIGHZISH. Since when was school like this? Weiyi was like "how's sch?". I said, "DAMN SIAN". He said "YEAH LA DAMN SIAN". Zi tao xianz to the max.

Everyone is blahness to the max about school this term. It's like we know school inside out and it's gotten abit old.

I tell you working for 4 months is no joke but honestly there was real excitement involved at work. I think wy understands my sentiment after working at credit suisse. Withdrawal symptoms.

It's good to see friends in school but honestly I've been seeing all my good friends around even when I was working. In fact it was nice I could afford to splurge when I went out.

Sometimes I feel like I should have graduated. About 4 months ago. XIANZ.

I believe he exists. And I'm sure most of us believe that he exists.

But sometimes I wonder if he really exists. Ask yourself what is your faith based on? If you believe he exists because you feel blessed, open your eyes to the people that live life with alot more suffering than you do. If you believe he exists because of something you feel, what are your feelings based on? If you believe he exists because of something that happened to you, what about those who have had terrible things happen to them?

When things go right. Praise be. When things are bad. Say it's his will be done. Bad things are not his fault. Why? I dunno. The scripture tells me so.

It's alot easier to believe that there's a BFG somewhere looking out for you. It feels safe and comforting. But is he really there?

Where is he? Will he ever come by just to say hello? It's in his time they say. But what about us then? Do we go to hell because we didn't get to know him?

If you say that we can't fully understand him because we're just made to be like that, I think it's rational that we aren't expected to believe him fully. How do you fully believe something you don't understand completely?

Don't take the easy way out in your faith and religion. Don't rely on the safety and comfort of the herd instinct. I challenge you to be a real believer. A real skeptic and a true follower at the same time.

I don't know if I can be considered a real christian. But even if I'm going to hell, God is going to give me a pat on the back before I go in for being a real skeptic and believer in the truth.

I love these 2 songs. Especially the Elton John one. With the help of a cough and antibiotics I actually sound in between the young and old Elton. Gosh, when we first heard Circle of Life it was when we were still kids and I remember going to burger king to get all the lion king figurines. Those were the days.


Circle of Life - Ian

Fixed the link.

If I Ain't Got You - Ian

talk

Just don't give a shit. That's my advice Claire.

Blogging. One of the internet buzzwords of our time. 20 years down the road our kids will download a software that will allow them to surf internet V1.0 and have a good laugh over their parents incriminating clubbing photos posted on their blog back in the day when people still blogged.

Sometimes I wonder why I still blog. I wonder if I really need people to read what I write, and I think, no not really. I've never been the person to give a shit about what people think (unless asked!), so it really doesn't matter either if people are reading it I guess. So in short I suppose it doesn't really matter to me.

However, one thing I have displeasure with is the fact that even the crappiest random people know how you're doing. Even your shittiest friend from yonks will know you started school this week. You're sharing your story with anyone. I believe it is nice to let your good friends know about certain things rather than having your little online pity party with anonymous87 and gang.

I like to think of my life as a series of errors in judgement. And I'd like to think that even though I don't care for affirmation, I hope someone who reads will learn a thing or two from every lapse in judgement I've made.

More importantly it's just nice to have a space where you can say FUCK THAT and make sure your proof of displeasure is recorded for future reference in case you anticipate further lapses in judgement. A sacred place where you can reaffirm your thoughts by typing them out as words and making sure you stick to your guns. It's like a contract where anonymous87 is your guarantor.

So there it is.

I was watching the Hills today and I was thinking why the hell is my life so boring. If they made my life into a show it would be shown on weekday afternoons after Days of our Lives. And in english with chinese subtitles. But back to the question. Why the hell?

There are days I wake up and I'm thinking why the fuck am I doing all this. Today was the first day of school and I felt so lost for some reason. I felt like another cow in the prairie. Maybe I've just been out of it for 4 months, so that could be part of it. We had a short round of introductions in our class today and we were supposed to say what we did during summer and I was like Ian... blah blah... year 3 social science student... blah blah 2 internships. I mean whatever. When Steph said she did an internship helping unemployed workers I was thinking now that's an interesting internship.

Watching David go I felt really happy for him. But then I was thinking ok Ian so what the fuck are you going to do about doing what you wanna do? I am getting so many of these thoughts these days that it's really getting to me. Was I supposed to end up here?

Things weren't supposed to be this way. I wasn't supposed to want to work in an office. I was supposed to be a zoologist in South Africa. An artist in NY. A rock star in tokyo. I wasn't supposed to be the boring one.

As I've said before, being in SMU, you kinda follow the herd. Wherever's the safest, wherever earns you the money. Sometimes I have an out of body experience where I can go what the fuck is Ian talking about? I should just shut the fuck up sometimes when I talk about work.

I have no idea why these thoughts keep coming. And especially now. Maybe 23 years is a long time of not doing something you really want to do, maybe 23 years a little late. I mean I just don't want to be the loser who said I didn't take the chance when I had it. This isn't some resume, this is my life.

Tmrw is the first day of school but luckily my classes start on tues. Time flies huh? I mean I'm so over being overly sentimental about school and everything but it's just amazing how quickly we're in our 3rd year of school.

Alot has changed. Alot. I think if I saw myself as a freshie I might have had a good laugh haha. The wierd thing about growing up is looking back you think wtf was I thinking haha.

It's wierd thinking of going back to school. Gosh I feel damn old after that "holiday". Maybe with some sleep I'll be back to normal haha. I can't wait for the berms and jeans and tshirts and jackets again. I don't even know where my pens are.

What will be fun is seeing the freshies. Struggling with the stupid card tapping system. Meeting up with their OGs at kops. I almost forgot we called it that. I am already thinking about the mee soto at Armenian and the bryani at als jils.

Resolution this term? Be happy to do my best, and do my best to be happy. That's all I can really ask.

Tmrw is for real, the last fucking day of work. I am so happy that I'm almost sad. It's been like 5 million years since I started wearing a tie and 10 million since the end of berms.

PWCiti was great. Perfect. I'm grateful. And now I know what I want to do at the bank. But fuck that for now. FUCK that. The reason why its been on my mind for the last 5 million years is so I don't have to think about it anymore for the next 10 million.

The biggest skill (or not) I've learnt is that under pressure, sometimes you have to eat shit and act fierce. At work, no one likes the wishy washies and the willies. Today Uncle Lung brought me to the legendary trading floor, and it was like a cowboy town. There's no time to be scared or panicked. You just got to do your damn job. And even if you don't know how to, just act like you do. Be fierce. That's my new motto.

Fierce isn't being angry. It's also not about being angsty or tense. It's about fucking knowing what is going on and acting like you do even if you don't. It's about doing your best and kicking ass. Fierce. SPARTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAA. ORD oh!!

Hey dave this song is for you.

little child - Ian

Dave leaves for Las Vegas on sat and it's kinda sad. Mike says aiyah we'll see him in Dec, but things will be quite different from now on. It's sad how we appreciate things alot more when they're scarce or missing.

Dave was always such a cute and shy kid. I made up for it by being the outspoken, chatty one. But even at children's parties, me, dave and mike could always just hang out with each other because 3 was always a crowd.

In many ways I think I haven't been a good eldest brother. And unfortunately it's a little late to say so. I dunno, I suppose all of us have always been the independent sort. We've always had 3 different lives under one roof. And I suppose it would be boring to be living the same life.

I wasn't an easy older brother. I've always had big expectations for myself and as well for my brothers. But as we grow older I am proud to see the 3 of us living our own lives. It would suck having a family of __________. We're not the same. Our strengths are different.

LV will be great for David because this is his real chance to shine. I've had such a great time in school and I hope he will too. As I look at our old photos I can't believe we've grown up so much,

I love this photo. I think it explains it all. As a kid, I was always myself. Always talkative, witty and alert. Like a little grown up stuck in a kids body. Today nothing much has changed except for maybe the waist size.

But more importantly as a kid I was never mean-spirited. I never had anything bad to say to anyone. Because in my mind I could see good in everyone. I had alot of love to share.

Today however, things have changed abit. Not on the inside, but more on the outside. When we grow up we automatically toughen up to face shit. We do that by being able to curse at others, complain, gossip and speak ill of other people. Guilty as charged.

I remember it was in jc when I first started making fun of people (ever!). It felt so uncomfortable, but it felt safer to be on the side of those who were making fun of others than being made fun of. Even today as grown ups it manifests itself in saying bad things about others. It's like a knee jerk reaction.

I think today, talking to Cheryl really made me feel like I think this isn't me at all. It's just a defensive reaction which helps me feel better. But that's no reason to be mean or talk bad about anyone.

Inside, I've always been the same person I was as a kid. Intrinsically full of love for people. I think I've reached a point where it's ok to be me. I've always thought well of people, always wanted to help my friends, always wanted to make a difference. It's time the real me stood up. I won't be as witty or funny and as glib, but I think I will feel alot more like myself on the inside. And that's a promise to myself.

My Version

It is patient
Like a tree
Always around the corner
Maybe this one, or the next
It is simple
Not complicated
No pretence
Laughter like children
Silence that is natural not awkward
No guessing of words or actions
I can smile
Even after a long day
Warmth not heat
Ember not flame
Gentle like waves
No rushing of tides
Yellows and no blues
As constant as time
Always looking forward to
Like a Friday or a Saturday
Helping me be a better person
Inspiring me to work harder
To live better
Knowing I am trying
All that I can
Never judging
Twisting words
Or questioning this or that
Just taking me
All of me
Just me
And my version

I took half an hour thinking whether to send the e-mail to Alfred and in the end I sent it. I don't know why I did, but I volunteered to come back to help my department with their daily reports when school starts. Maybe the lack of sleep had killed my brain cells.

Sitting in the shuttle bus home I was like omg what did I just do. Of course working with my department has great benefits like attending the lectures and training. But I am still sitting on the fence about my decision. I mean I can always say I was unable to change my timetable, but shit seriously I am wondering if this is a wise decision or not.

The work is easy actually. 2 hours and I'm off. By now I can probably do it blindfolded with my hands tied at the back. The office is also just 15 minutes away from school. Honestly the biggest draw to this was having one foot into a real job when I graduate. I actually also enjoy learning about the random things that happen in the bank.

But shit I planned to have fun at school this term. Dammit I dunno really. Gross I feel abit like slapping myself. I think I'll be thinking clearer once I have a good night's rest tonight.

Met Alan at his office today and went to Starbucks for coffee. Franklin Templeton is just across the road so it wasn't hard to get there. Friendly guy. AC boy also. From Deutsche to UBS to Templeton. Must not be too shabby then. Speaking to him he said the job involved meeting alot of companies, and also forecasting P&L and calculating ratios. Which funnily enough sounds related to what I've done at pdubs and citi combined. He said the stress of managing funds is like a dull pain. Low intensity but always there. Ouch.

I wonder if this might be something I will enjoy doing as compared to corporate banking? Only recently have I been able to see the full scope of what my department does, and this has really heightened my appreciation for my work. So I'm thinking if I should try something new or stick to something familiar next year? Whatever it is I'm just glad I won't have to think about it just yet.

I just wish we had more time to try absolutely everything. Uni (if not maybe MBA) is our last stop before work and schools should really emphasize learning on the job rather than in the classroom. At times I think "how the fuck would I know this if not for the fact that I'm here now?" And I don't think it's good that people should go into jobs without knowing wth it is they're really doing until they regret it.

It's frrrrriiiiidaaaayyyy! By today most of my friends will have ended their internships and be enjoying their last 2 weeks of hols before school starts. It's so amazing thinking about the experiences my friends have had this summer and I can't wait to see everyone in school to find out how their summer went.

I'm at my desk now eating a tuna sandwich and typing this on e-mail because they block blogspot here. Despite the fact that it can get damn boring here at times I am always grateful I got my shot at this. It's been very fulfilling helping my boss managing some of the accounts in Citibank. I've learnt alot about myself the last few months. I've learnt most importantly you just need to do something you're proud of. something that brings in enough income for you and your family. And something that gives you the time to spend with the people you love the most.

At citi in particular, I've really enjoyed learning the ins and outs of being in a bank. In a serious environment where all our work add up to the billions, age works against you, and I've learnt that you need to be mature, calm, polished and capable if you want others to look up to you. Not that I am haha but its something I've observed.

I've also learnt to always ask questions. Always write things down. Be meticlous with details. Reply e-mails immediately. Bug people persistently. Be polite always. Accept OT without making a face. Always wear your tie even if no one else is. I've also learned v lookup and pivot tables on excel haha. Was damn proud of that haha.

I sat down with my boss for a "heart to heart" talk after I asked him to tell me more about the cash and trade products that we offer. ( BTW Citi is the number one cash management and trade bank here). He explained alot of things that I'd never learn in a finance class about our business, industry, the clients. People always think "oh investment banking", but really the world of finance is too wide to limit ourselves to one particular area. There are so many other non-investment products like cash and trade. At citibank, it's the corporate relationship bankers that really see the clients, take them out for dinner, who really understand them well and know where we can support them. They sell all the products. And that's really interesting. I encourage anyone who thinks investment banking is the way to go to really consider their options before they know wth they are talking about. The world of money and business is too big to just be another donkey following another tail. Go out and find something you are interested in. Don't just follow the crowd.

In all I am very grateful for Alfred letting me join last minute. He has been very kind to me and he has allowed me to see how the business really works. I respect the fact that Alfred heads our department and still manages to always be positive. The rest of the department is normally waist deep in work and too busy to even smile. Alfred said with a laugh that he intentionally made me go to the managers to collect account information from all them as a form of a test because they're so hard to catch. And I passed! I felt very honoured when he said that I have what it takes to make management trainee, and I will definately consider this as an option when school ends. I am very encouraged because it's been such an uphill climb for me the last couple of months, and I think that I've finally had my payoff.

Next week will be busy (thankfully) because Alfred has kindly asked me to attend 2 training sessions for the managers dealing with new trade policies as well as some hedging/FX. I was quite intimidated at first but I know it will be interesting. On Monday I will be meeting one of the VPs at Franklin Templeton because I'm very interested to know about their fund management business and I'm already planning my work for next summer. Things at work are slowly winding up and I can start thinking about school.

I can't wait for school to start! I seriously feel 10 years older than before. Or more. This holiday I really feel like I have changed alot inside. You will probably see it in my eyes. Because I sure can feel it in my bones. But I am grateful it's been such a fulfilling holiday, and I'm looking forward to the coming few months because I forsee special times ahead. A gut feeling that things are going to be great this term.

Was quite a good day. My boss needed me to help him tabulate some data so he could start picking companies to concentrate on and start pushing deals with. Learnt a shit lot of excel in one morning.

During lunch I went to town to buy Sam's GMAT book for him and met Jase and Serene for lunch at food republic.

Ok so actually that's about it haha.

Between the 3 of us, our wardrobes can probably give an entire season of Zara a run for their money. Ok maybe not really. We have way more shoes.

One of the perks of having 2 brothers the same size as you means having 3 times the amount of shoes and clothes to wear. It's like your very own department store. Street style? Level 2 Mikey's room please. Beach prep? Level 2 David's room. Everything in between? Level 3 my room. That's not even talking about the shoes.

I hate talking about clothes usually because I think style is a very personal thing. In fact this is probably the first and last time I will ever put my thoughts down about the topic. I think fashion and style is a very sacred thing. So much so that talking about it really makes it lose some meaning. Like how people tend to over evaluate art. So shut up. For someone who loves clothes alot, I hardly talk about clothes. Its only when I'm with my brothers do we feel comfortable to debate the merits of cargo pants.

Style is one thing you can't be taught. You can cheat and copy, but nothing says style better than a person who truly dresses the way they feel like. Style is something innate, because even though me and my bros grew up in exactly the same conditions, we turned up with very different ideas about style. It came from ourselves.

Clothes aren't really important though. I bet if I had to burn all my clothes tomorrow I'd be ok. The trick is not to take fashion too seriously. Don't pay too much for anything. Dress exactly how you feel like. And just have some fun.

For me, for you - Ian

NOT THE ONLY FIERCE ONE

I met vincent for drinks today. At 930 my phone was buzzing and to my surprise his name was flashing. He asked me to join him for some drinks. Just like the old days, he dragged me to some ktv pub. I thought of all the times we used to go drinking and sing chinese ktv songs. I was coughing like shit though, and my rendition of David Tao's ai hen jian dan went up in flames for the crowd to hear.

Vincent is now the head chef at Monty's Bar at boat quay. I am very happy for him. Since we left the army we both promised ourselves we'd make it big. I told him how I've been working at citibank and pwc this holiday. "Eh you farking fierce ar you," he said with his usual pai kia voice. "Kan nee na you think you the only fierce one ar?" I replied. "cheebai you," he said. Then I got a big slap on the shouler with his huge hand. The good old army days reborn.

I feel a special kinship with Vincent. Not just "bros". A real brotherhood. We are so different and yet we're both the same. Vincent is a friend you can depend on for anything. He's never calculative with money. Never asks for favours. Always serves it up straight. Always tries his best. Always places great importance to his friends. And I know one day he'll make it big. Talking with him sometimes feels like looking into a mirror. Not entirely, but similar in the ways that are important. And seeing him do well is like feeling like I have succeeded as well. It's hard to describe.

Vincent is a person that really treasures his friendship. He's a person that would probably die for any one of his friends. I can't say the same about alot of people I know. I've only seen him a couple of times since army ended, but every time we meet it's like no time has passed. And everytime we do so we're all get one step closer to our dream. Watching out for each other so that we know we're on track. Vincent talks the talk. But he also walks the walk. And that's a shit lot of walking for the amount of talking. No pretence. No airs. No politically correct. It's fries with no salt. Vincent is no bullshit friend. He's the fucking real deal.

Vincent is a real special guy. A real one-of-a-kind original. He can be such a monkey sometimes, but he has values like a monk, determination like a warrior and a special charisma about him. He's not a friend. He's a real brother. But hey Vincent knn you think you the only fierce one ar?

SMU is a school that really throws you into the real world whether you fucking like it or not. Project work, presentations, class participation, community service and internships. Compulsory.

Coupled with seminars and overseas trips and career talks, you are force fed with everything you need to get you ready. It's like the moment you're in, they're preparing to send you out.

It's not even halfway into my time at SMU and I already feel like I'm ready to step out. It's so wierd. It's only last term did everyone suddenly turn serious and begin to take their career plans so seriously. And it's great to be in a panic so early, because it gets the whole OH MY WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE part over and done with alot earlier.

You know sometimes talking about work can irritate the shit out of myself but I think it's alot better talking about it now and making the right decisions now so after that we can relax and don't have to to talk about it after its been sorted out. I look at the seniors who nabbed the best jobs. They barely talk about work. That's the way to go padre.

Something serious to consider for us all is a looming recession just on the horizon. Most predict 2010. What makes me damn fortunate is that we're going to graduate before we all have our hugging-liv-tyler-flying-to-space-to-blow-up-asteroid-Armageddon moment. So hopefully none of us have to worry about this. Word of caution for those who are graduating in 2010-12.

On a less serious note pheebs is enjoying her time in HK. Lucky5million. I guess so am I. Just less the fact that I'm not at the shopping epicentre of asia. Gross. Dz must also be having fun in Dubai. Lucky6million. I wonder how nice the burj looks in real life. Eric at mediacorp. Cheryl at the media authority. Del is now at Exxonmobs which is great because I hear its a very we-are-family-I've-got-all-my-sisters-with-me kind of company. It's very nice to see your friends doing well all over the place. Even if it's on jurong island hahaha.

What I really enjoy seeing is people doing the things they want to do the most. Like when I heard sean was going to art school, I felt really happy for him. I've been lucky to have a few chances to give my friends a little push towards doing something they want to do. Sometimes giving your friends a little nudge is all it takes for them to look at something differently.

When I see someone with talent doing well in what he or she does best it's really amazing. I don't think I'll ever have the chance to pursue something in art or fashion or design for now, but it's not about doing something you're the best at. It's about doing something that will make you happy. And that could be anything that you might even be bad at! It just makes me happy to see people do things they really want to do.

After thinking about what I want to do for some time, I've come to realise what's important to me. More than doing something I like, is doing something that is stable, pays well for my family, and something I can say I'm proud of doing. And that more than makes me happy.

Chloe is thinking of singing after school ends so I've asked her to come sing at the shop. I've asked my dad about it and he was readily ok with the idea. My dad loves music and he was all set to start a music night at Island Creamery. I actually just sent in my chinese demo tape to Uncle Keng Long who is wang li hom's music producer, and I did a funny track just for him to hear. Hope he has a good laugh, and maybe you too.

demo

A big theme in my life is friends. And probably because I make a commitment to my friends, they become alot more important. Unfortunately, life is more than just about friends. It's about school, work, leisure, love, family and even just personal time, so it occupies a small fraction of the pie.

So as it is, if you do the math, the time that's left with your frends are, well, pretty precious. And recently it's been especially difficult trying to make the time to meet up.

I've always been the organizer type. It's just me. I'll probably call everyone and find out their schedules to meet up. So I've resigned myself to the fact that some people are more than happy to arrange, while others are more than happy to just show up.

What annoys me most are the people who are friends out of convenience. These friends hang out with you in school when no arrangements are required. When it's convenient for them. Of course you don't know it then, but unfortunately, these friends disappear out of sight once school ends. They go, "Yeah we'll meet up soon yeah." But then you probably don't hear from them much. And even when you do, they're abit blah. They're quick to tell you if they're busy. After all, it doesn't really matter to them. The kind of friends that you know what they're up to, but in return they know nothing about how you're doing.

Life only get's busier and more complicated. And eventually it's your real friends who make the effort to say hi or to meet up. It's not about who arranges, because some people just don't like to do that, it's about everyone making the effort to come together to catch up. And even if we're all busy, it's nice to chat over the phone and see how your friends are doing.

This holiday has been a good time for me to re-evaluate some of my relationships with people. It's when everyone is busy then you really realise who really cares. And the people who matter. I am grateful for all the good times that I have hanging out with my closest friends. People who I know will be there for me even when life goes up and down.

For someone who values his friends so much, I think it's important to be with the people that invest as much effort into their friendship as you. And it becomes a real waste investing your time in the friends that are going to fade away once things get busy. So if you're reading, I ask you to think about the people who treasure your time the most, who are keen to know how you're doing, who make the effort, who are always watching your back and hoping the best for you. Because those are the friends that matter the most.

(Un)Fortunately it's been one of those stay home saturdays. I guess I had lunch at Sun with Moon so it's not really counted.

Had time to sit down in front of my laptop and tidy up a new resume I've been working on. This one has absolutely no trace of fun on it. No tangs, no marriott, no advertising. It's like the marketing bit never existed.

On fri I went to the economic seminar at the ritz that was organized by our investment banking department. I asked my boss if I could attend and he asked me to come along and sit in. In 1 hour our top economics head summed up the forecast for the Asian markets in the next 6 months and I was quite impressed.

Surpringly he spoke in human english and I totally enjoyed the seminar. He made it simple so that the clients invited could also understand without using the annoying citilingo that abreviates everything. I was busy circling and writing notes into the nice graphs they distributed for us to refer to.

Recently I've been speculating when the next recession will be coming. Every day the papers display news of record prices of property and there are so many advertisments for condos and luxury bungalows. But apprently, the economic forecast shows no sign of a slowdown well at least till after 2008. What they said was that the US labour market is booming and cushioning the impact of the housing slum in the US. The European and Asian markets are also decoupling from the US, which means the shit that the US flings affects us less.

The papers reported today that graduates are having a field day because the job market is excellent. Excellent! The question is for how long?

It's scary. Because in 2 years time when we graduate, there's no damn telling what could happen in the job market. And initially I was thinking of taking 3 years, but I am less willing to take that risk now that I forsee a big recession on the horizon.

Because my last summer is coming, I've decided to take up more modules this term to pull up my GPA. Initially I was all set to work this term, but I think it's not a practical idea because this is our last term to pull up our gpa before we apply for our final summer.

It seriously feels like every step of the next 2 years is going to have to be one well crafted plan. I just think it will be sad when this frenzy is over and we really hit the real world.

Work has been good this week, ironically for the fact that there actually was work to do. The monetary authority of singapore runs checks and I've been helping my boss tidy up our paperwork and prepare documents to show that the correct procedures have been put in place. When I scanned through our client list I then realised how big our accounts really are. That kinda put things into perspective and reminded me that I have a bit part in putting on a big citi show. Our department only has a bunchful of managers but they handle all the biggest accounts in the bank. And in between snacking on chocolate or chittish chattish with the other interns it's easy to forget.

It's especially now that I'm thinking what I can do when I graduate. In some ways I'm very grateful. I'm getting a quarterlife (non) crisis even before the halfway mark of school. It's like art vs money back and forth non-stop. I am pretty mixed up about what I want to do and I'm just happy I get to figure it out during the holidays. I am even happier thinking about my 2 module work week. How fucking awesome is that.

Now the hard part comes figuring out what I'm going to do when school starts. Or more like when work ends. It's either part time at the bank or part time advertising so I have to pick soon. Whatever it is I am so looking forward to seeing my friends when school starts.

I wish school was 4 years worth of internships. I can tell you everything you learn in school goes in the dustbin. Well at least a good part of it. And ok except your accounting courses. Do your best to get good grades, but try not to take the stuff you learn in school too seriously. Except maybe your strategy class. The best way to find out if you love doing something is just to get up from your ass and go try it.

I Will Remember You - Ian

Today we went out for family lunch and we were talking about Mike doing interior design. He's always been great with style and I had this random idea that he should get into it. I've always had a knack for design but interior design is something I can't do. Mikey, on the other hand, has always had an eye for furnishing and details.

David is also going to las vegas to study hospitality. Something he's really wanted to do. Then I just thought about it and I was thinking so now WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING ABOUT WHAT I WANT TO DO. I've played the finance thing enough to slap on my resume, but now I need to go out and do something I'm good at. Art or advertising or marketing or just anything creative.

I jokingly told bap that I should quit school and study art. Predictably he just shrugged his shoulders and said yeah why not. I didn't really mean it but I think Bap was ready for the worst. I am very grateful that my parents have been behind me in everything I do.

So this term I cannot wait. Hopefully I can start work part time at an ad agency or a marketing department. I really have to start planning the next 3 years of my school life so I can gather enough experience to say that I am ready for advertising or marketing.

I am thinking of the NYU summer course in marketing. Parson's at NYC / Paris also has a design and management course that I am very interested in. I am also thinking of taking oil painting and volunteering at the museum next to school. This coming term looks like my break-out summer and I can't wait.

At work people tend to try to size up who you are and where you come from so that they know if you are either: 1) a threat 2) potentially useful to them 3) neither.

I think it's just part of growing up that we begin to look at people the same way. As far as we don't want to, we evaluate people subconsciously. I think it's just human nature to do so, and it's something we can't control. What we can control is how we deal with these evaluations.

Twice this month I was asked out of the blue, "do you stay on landed property?" I mean who the fuck do you think you are to ask me that.

It is sad that people should base your evaluations on how big your house is or what your parents do.

I love talking to people and I am interested to know about them, but there are instances where I hold back because I feel that certain questions are not appropriate or just politically incorrect, as much as my intentions are genuine.

Today I missed work because I wasn't feeling so good. So instead of doing a great deal of nothing, I went to get signed up for the bloomberg terminal at the national library and I also went to the school library to take a look at the CFA books, and lo and behold, the curriculum was best summed up by the word "omfg".

Life flashing before me in various shades of sepia, I just almost wanted to die. In half an hour I glanced through the finance material and envisioned what my life would be like over the next few months. And it wasn't a pretty sight. It didn't scare me, it fucking scared me.

Over the last few months I've made a great deal of effort in dipping my foot into the pool of the finance world. On one hand I think I've done reasonably well in my work, but on the other hand there is a nagging thought that won't go away.

Do you remember how you think you were born to do something when you were young? Maybe a teacher, lawyer, doctor, astronaut. Being a banker was not on my list. But being an artist was.

Numbers don't make sense to me. Ratios and graphs are even less enticing. But if you show me a picture I can tell you if it's ugly or not. I can draw a circle freehand. I can match colors and shades. I can write poems, stories and songs. I can match an outfit for you. I can help you check your grammer. I can think of ideas.

Unfortunately artists don't make money. But think of something practical like marketing and that's something great.

The problem with marketing is that it looks like a second class job next to something like banking at a school like SMU when of course it isn't. As I've said before, the problem with SMU is that it's all about finance. And so everything else looks abit blah next to the word "bank". I'll be quick to admit that I am a sucker for achievement. Prestige and respect is important to me. So in the context of SMU, I've been lured into finance for those reasons. Also, alot of people I know are in the finance world, so alot of opportunities come easily, and it's hard to pass up.

Of course it's nice to say that you're working in a bank. It's even nicer when your position ends with a banker. But at the end of the day, who really gives a shit. The whole point is to do something you're really good at, and fucking excel and beat the shit out of everyone at what you're doing.

There is no way I can be a fantastic banker. If you put 30 people in a room and test them on maths and finance, I'll probably be in the bottom half. But if you test the same 30 people on art, design, fashion or language, I could probably give most of the 30 guys a run for their money. And if it comes to career in doing something like that, I'd probably make peanuts in th beginning but be able to grow in the long run.

After doing a whole summer of finance work, I'm just glad to say that wherever my career leads me, I'd have made a calculated guess. There's no doubt it's between banking or marketing. But this coming term I am ditching finance to work on art and the things I am naturally better at.

Mark is one of the people I admire. He knows he doesn't want to do finance so he's sticking with marketing and corporate communications. He doesn't need to follow the crowd just cuz he's in smu. People like Jonathan are going berkeley to study music. Sean is doing art.

If you're reading this, I hope you've had the time to discover what you really enjoy doing. I just think it's important to do something you're good at so you'll always come to the office (or not) knowing that you're doing what you do best. And it's most important because you don't want to be doing something you suck at for what 30 years or more? And I'm not sure, but I think that spells happiness and hopefully success in the long run. And even if you haven't, I challenge you to find out what you're good at.

Today I had such a good time. I met ambrose and Jaz at Weims and Steve's event to watch Mark play with his band. Later we rushed down to Lee's party at the wine company and it was really nice. It was so great to see so many of my school friends. Lees, lams, poh, bert, angs, weims, boons, shaun, isaac, mark and company.

My god, felt so good to be reminded of the people I love the most. After working continuously since school started, it's been such a while since I've been able to catch up with some of my pals, esp my bros like st and wm, tots long lost to the max. Dun care next week confirm must go out.

It's been great working and whatever. But this is what life is for at the end of the day. To really enjoy each others company and have a good time.

One thing that citibank has taught me is to grow up.

From the sillies and heeheehahas of pricewaterhouse coopers, it's been a serious change. I still remember my first day at Citi in the lift when I saw everyone wearing a stern face.

3 weeks later with a new wardrobe and a well practiced pokerface, I finally feel like I blend in.

Today we had a department dinner at my boss's place. Alfred just moved in and he kindly invited us into his home. The house was beautiful. It was a 4 storey place at duchess. Everything was a shade of silver or white. Even the mercedes. I guess Alfred must have worked hard the last couple of years.

Alfred's wife Rachael was quick to say they till had some Island Creamery ice cream left in the fridge and I promplty thanked them for contributing to my college fund. He then introduced us to his daughters, both in sc now. And then standing on the balconey overlooking the pool, I realised that Alfred was a lucky guy. Not the pool I mean. Ok maybe the pool. But I meant what a life. And what more can you ask for.

In the company of the managers and the other staff, we had a great dinner over Joanna's choice of catering. I enjoy talking to the managers because they come from all over and they bring a fresh perspective to the conversation. Sometimes the managers find it hard to talk to anyone else because they come from so diverse backgrounds. From Bangladesh, mumbai, japan, san fran to khazakstan ( I know what you're thinking), they have very different stories to tell.

Personally, I love talking to the managers even though they're alot older. I find I get along with them very well. They aren't people from country x or country y, they're global citizens, and I identify with that in many ways. I started talking with Daizaburo-san about my last trip to tokyo and he recommended a few authentic japanese places to eat in Singapore. Assem was sharing with me about her 7 years in New York and I asked her of some places to visit when I go next summer. Abed was telling us the whole india vs bangladesh thing. Rachael was telling me of how her daughters are enjoying school at scgs.

I didn't have to talk about school. Didn't have to say what I was studying. Didn't have to say when I was going to graduate. When you stop seeing yourself as a kid, people also take cue and realise that there is alot more to you than just your age.

Normally when people first talk to you as an intern, they talk about the usual things. But when you converse beyond the scope of a small kid, and when you show that you know where they are coming from, they immediately let you into their world and they being to see you as an equal. It amazes me how much people can have in common although we come from different worlds. And I guess at this age we are beginning to grow up to the point where we can identify with people beyond age, race or religion.

Nothing short of a nerve-wracking experience, I was invited for a lunch with a small group of managers and partners with my former employers at pwc, and that was the ultimate test of holding my own. And when the head of auditing sat down with us, you could see the managers turn into mice. I have learnt that the best way to handle such situations is to firstly just be yourself and be sincere in your conversation, and to share your distinct knowledge with other people. And people will see you for your maturity and self-confidence.

From a practical standpoint, the many social events at Citibank have thrown me in the deep end of the pool and have honed my ability to connect with people of any background. And not only that, but have given me the confidence to be me myself even when others are not. To be self-assured and professional in any circumstance.

If there is one thing that citibank has taught me, it is to grow up.

It's the time of the year when course bidding is the new hot topic of discussion. In a few days we're supposed to bid for our modules this coming term and everyone is slowly but surely beginning to think about school again.

I have to make a decision between doing the normal school thing, or doing my CFA level 1 this coming december, which means I will be taking 1 or 2 normal modules, but doing self-study on top of that to study for the CFA exam.

CFA stands for chartered financial anaylst which also stands for "fucking difficult". The pass rates on this baby is 38%, meaning it's one nice line in my resume, or a wasted school term. But it's beyond just a risky qualification, it's a crash course on the most important financial concepts, and the knowledge alone is probably worth the pain.

Unfortunately, this self-inflicted pain costs about $1500 not including the books. All six of them. And I might be thinking of going for CFA lessons, which are another $3000 for lessons, notes, mock exams, quizes and what not. Damn. But I consider this an investment for my future, a return that no fund can beat. Which is why I'm glad I'm earning my keep this summer, and my fat citibank paycheque will probably be burnt on paying for my school fees at ktc kaplan.

This is a huge risk. But one of the fundamentals of investing is high risk, high returns. And the risk is managed if I promise to work my ass off. And I that I can do.

But finance might not be my thing, and another fundamental to investing is never put your eggs in one basket. One basket for finance, and another basket for marketing. That's why I hope I can help my mom's friend who works at one of the oldest auction houses called Sotheby's. They only have 2 big auctions in one year which is the south-east asian art auction this coming september. I love art and I love auctions, and I will be glad to help out for the auction.

I don't think it's marketing per se, but it's art and I love art. Hopefully it will be a foot in the door for the luxury goods marketing industry, something I am really interested in.

You know that's your friend when,

they somehow know how you're doing,
they ask how your day was,
they don't ask for anything other than your friendship,
they make time to meet and catch up,
they are waiting to tell you how they have been,
they surprise you with a random hello.

This holiday has been good because it's been a bite size dose of growing up. And when everyone get's busy, you begin to realise the friends that will always try and be there for you. You can do all you can to try and nurture a waning friendship, but the real friendship is effortless and doesn't require too much thought. The funny thing is that you don't realise who your real friends are until the rest have disappeared into the background.

This holiday I've got to appreciate the company of friends who I've never fully appreciated. And when school starts I am so looking forward to seeing these friends.

So it was 10am in the office and Joanna said I might have to help her set up a dinner function before I knock off. Sigh2000. Before the day had started I found out that it would be ending a little later than usual. Boss and the managers were having a conference with the head of global corp banking so it was important. What I didn't know was that dinner was at China Club.

I first heard of china club in tatler or expat magazine. It's a members only private club on the 52nd floor of Capitol Towers. They have a lounge, a restaurant and seminar rooms which have an amzing view. Or so I heard. Who would pay thousands of dollars for this?

When I got out of the taxi with Joanna, the first thing I realised was how much nicer their lobby is. The jpmorgan and capitaland logos were plastered on the wall for us to see. We took 2 connecting lifts to the 52nd floor and when the lift doors opened I was amazed.

It felt like I had stepped into a different world.

The hallway was painted with intricate chinese patterns from floor to ceiling. There were antique rosewood partitions with beautiful carvings, separating the space into intimate sections. There were mirrored walkways and painted silk screens that hung from the ceiling high above. As I walked towards the end of the hallway, I was greeted by the reception, and my gaze was fixed to the amazing view of the city. At 52 feet, the view was so amazing. I have never seen Singapore like this before. For once, it didn't look like a city, it looked like an island.

With floor to ceiling glass panels that were 3 storeys high, it felt like the floor was suspended in the middle of the sky.

It was hard not to be distracted by the view as I set up the namecards with Joanna. The guests invited were our clients, the head treasurers of companies like agilent, siemens, apple, motorola and some other names I couldn't rmbr. They were the people that made the money decisions. Who give us business. In short. Don't mess up. It was an intimate setting with 3 tables only, and by nightfall the beautiful view of the city had turned into a dazzling light display.

Joanna insisted I have dinner, and I did not refuse! I had to watch the reception area so I insisted on having dinner by the reception. So thanks to Mr Jonathan Woon of Apple, who forgot about dinner, I had a 12 course dinner overlooking the city skyline.

The food was great. And it better be for $100+++. The cutlery was beautiful, the food was excellent, and I felt like I was eating in the set of a movie. It was like old Shanghai in the 20's, except in mid-air. And the whole time I was watching the view, savouring the food, and thinking, FUCK this is not happenening.

But it was. And as far as I wanted to reach out into my pocket and make a complete ass of myself by taking a photo of the view, I decided to take a mental picture instead. As I had time to relish the view, appreciate the artwork of the decor and just enjoy a quiet dinner, I kinda thought about all the things that have happened the last few months.

Posh restaurant? Who cares. Nice club? I don't really give a damn. But most importantly whatever I got, I worked hard for it.

The fancy things in life don't matter. But I'd like to think that the ultimate luxury is having everything and knowing that only the important things really matter. Now that's luxury.